Why are you naked?

" Why are you naked?"

It was a question I couldn't answer. I stood there in the hotel lobby without a stitch on, completely nude, a laughing stock, and I couldn't answer. It had all gone horribly wrong.

It had seemed funny when I had embarked on the escapade, a harmless jape, a prank. And now I cringed, naked and embarrassed, under the barrage of questions. She could of course have given me something, anything to cover me up, but she didn't. She was enjoying it.

******************

I was away on business, as I often was, and I had been looking forward to the evening. It was the night of the football derby. Two local teams who had been rivals for decades. Of course I was going to watch. I had supported my team from being a child.

Sheila, my secretary however supported the other team, the ones that played in red. It was her only negative point. She was, football excepted, the perfect secretary. She was young, pretty, efficient and above all had a bouyant, happy and, yes he had to admit it, rather sexy personality.

Not that there was anything between us beyond mild flirting, but mild flirting, well that was all right, wasn't it? And she was the sort of girl you just had to flirt with.

That was perhaps why I had rung her. I was bored sitting on the hotel room bed waiting for the match to start. A little flirting over the phone before the match would pass the time nicely.

"Hi," I said as I recognised her voice on the other end, "it's me. Can you remind me what time the meeting starts in the morning?"

Well, I needed some sort of excuse to phone up.

"Darling," I heard her shout to her husband at the other end, "it's the boss about work. I'll take it in the study," then to me, "switch your laptop on. I'll Skype you."

A muffled response from her husband was undeciperable. I put the phone down and booted up the laptop . A few minutes later her mischievous face appeared on the screen.

"It's all right," she said, "he's gone down the pub to watch the match. He supports your lot. Wanted to watch it with his mates."

"Can you bear to watch," I asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you're going to get hammered."

"Want to bet?"

She was indeed a girl who liked a little wager. I, however, was not the betting type. I was far too cautious for that. On the other hand I had to support my team.

"A fiver says we beat you."

"Not money," she laughed, "that's no fun at all."

An idea struck Me, "Right," I said, "if we beat you, you make the coffee for the rest of the year."

The coffee had always rankled me.  Previous secretaries had always made fhe coffee, but Sheila was a feminist, she insisted on a strict rule.  I had to make the coffee and didn't have the mental toughness to insist. That was probably why it rankled.

"You're on," she said, "but what if you don't beat us."

"I'll make the coffee," Well, I had to support the team..

"You do that anyway," said Sheila, "and I could tell from the look on her face she was up to something, "No, we need something to really embarrass you. I know. If you don't beat us you run down to the end of the corridor and back," she paused for a second for her next word to sink in, "stark naked."

It was, I thought, a typical Sheila bet.

"What! I can't do that."

"Just as I thought," said Sheila grinning, "No balls. And no faith in your team."

I decided to laugh it off.

"Okay," I said, "but if your lot lose you... You...," he tried to think of something Sheila would never do, "you run down the end of the street and back naked."

"You're on," said Sheila.

I was horrified. She had agreed to the stupid bet. He had to get out of it.

"Come on," I said, "A jokes a joke, but..."

"As I thought," said Sheila, "no balls, and no faith in your team."

I was a young boss, younger than Sheila, and I hadn't come across this sort of slightly sexually aggressive sexiness in an older confident woman before. I didn't know how to deal with it.

And I couldn't admit to having no faith in my team. And they were bound to win. They were third top. The others were floundering.

A thought struck me.  I could always just pretend to do it if I lost.

"I have got..." he didn't like to say 'balls', he was much more of a prude than Sheila, "...faith. It's a bet."

The game was a dour affair. We sort of watched it at the same time. At half time my team had dominated the match and were a goal ahead. The bet was won! Not that I would make Sheila run down the street naked. I would be happy for her to make the coffee. It continued the same in the second half, but no more goals appeared, not until a hopeful punt upfield by the red team led to a goalmouth scramble and the ball being poked home.

Oh well. my disappointment was palpable. The coffee had been dashed from my lips at the last minute. I turned back to Skype.

"An honourable draw," I said, biting back what I really thought.

"Yes," said Sheila grinning, "a very even match."

I grimaced. Even indeed! But what could I say?

"Best get off to bed," was what I said.

"After your little naked run," said Sheila, grinning even more.

"What do you mean. It was a draw."

"Yes, but the bet was that you would do the run if you didn't beat us. A draw isn't beating us is it?"

I gasped. She was right. How stupid I'd been! I had said that. I was going to have to do it. Or at least pretend to do it of course.

"Oh," I said, "right. I'll do it now."

"Hold on, hold on," said Sheila, "Point the webcam at the door. I want to make sure you've really got nothing on when you go out."

"But.... But... You'll see me... with nothing on !"

He didn't like to use words like 'naked'.

"That's sort of the point isn't it. Don't tell me you were thinking of cheating."

"No, no," but my hasty answer seemed to convince Sheila that I had been.

"Oh yes you were."

"No...  No...  Of course not."

"Yes you were . I want to see you going out that door naked and shutting it behind you.  As a special favour you can face away from the camera."

A flood of relief washed over me.  Sheila wouldn't see my willy.  I would have died of embarrassment if she'd seen my willy.  I was so embarrassed at its size.  It had just kept on growing when I was young.  People said it would be wonderful to have a really big willy, but to me it was a source of constant embarrassment.

I was so relieved I turned the webcam to face the door.

"Happy?" I asked. It was still dreadful. Sheila was still going to see me with no clothes on. She'd probabaly record it! Show it to the girls in the office. It was to horrible to contemplate. I couldn't think of a way out of it though. I just didn't have the courage to stand up to assertive females

"Absolutely," I could hear the laughter in her voice.

"And you won't record it. That wasn't part of the bet."

"Of course not," said Sheila again, "Come on we haven't got all day. I hope you're not going to welch! And make sure you go all the way to the end of the corridor. Believe me I'll know if you don't!"

"Right,, I'm coming."

I was already naked out of sight of the camera and trying to pluck up courage. I was shaking slightly with nerves and covered in goose bumps.

I was going to have to show myself naked to my secretary. As I moved towards the door and into view I had a vague idea that I had somehow been manoeuvred into this.

******************

As the naked figure crept nervously onto her screen I allowed myself a little grin. Candy off a baby, I thought, how did a man who I could toy with so easily ever get to be boss! If I'd lost the bet I'd never paid up in a million years, and here he was stripped naked and about to embarrass himself at my command. I clicked the record button.

What I said was: "Nice bum!  Come on, turn round. Let the dog see the rabbit!"

"But you said I didn't have to!"

"Spoil sport," said Sheila, "come on. You may as well show me now. I'll see when you come back."

And of course he did.  He was so easy to manipulate. And my mouth dropped. He had a big one. I would never have guessed it, but he had a really big one!

"Go on," I ordered, "get going. The quicker you start the sooner it'll be over."

**************

Why had I shown her my willy!   I'd only done it on the promise that I wouldn't have to show her my willy, but with no clothes on and so embarrassed and flustered I'd just done as I was told.  An now all the girls in the office would know.  At least she'd promised not to record it.

"Go on," She said, "get going. The quicker you start the sooner it'll be over."

She was right. I opened the door and looked tentatively along the corridor. It was deserted. The end of the corridor was twenty yards away. All I had to do was run to it, touch the far wall and run back. It would all be over in seconds. I set off.

*************

I almost collapsed with laughter as I saw the door click shut. My little ploy had worked. I had so flustered him by my order to show me his willy that he had forgotten to take the key card with him. I could see it still on the dressing table.

It was too funny for words. I picked up the phone.

************

It took me some seconds to realise I had locked myself out. I had run to the end and back and my hand went instinctively to my pocket for the key. It was then that I found that I had neither pocket nor key.

Ridiculously I kept trying the door handle as if it would magically open and let me back in. It was no good. I was locked out. Naked. I started to tremble with fear and embarrassment. I was completely nude. Somebody might come along any minute.

As far as I could see I had only two choices: knock on somebody's door and ask for help or go down to the front desk and be let back in. The thought of knocking on a stranger's door was too horrible - what if they screamed! I was going to have to go down to the hotel lobby in the nude. How could i have been so stupid! Why hadn't I thought to take the key with me!

Knees knocking I scampered along the corridor praying nobody would be in the lift as it trundled up to my floor. The doors clanked open. I muttered a fervent prayer that it would be empty. It was.  I rushed in and pressed the button for the lobby.

"Nearly there, nearly there," I said to myself, "it'll soon be over."

I felt extraordinarily naked and vulnerable not knowing what I would find when I reached the lobby. My heart was racing as the lift ground to a halt and the doors started to open. What if there were people there waiting for the lift. What if it was that party of oriental schoolgirls I had seen earlier. The thought was too horrible to contemplate.

The lift door clanged open and I breathed a sigh of relief. The lobby was deserted. I scampered over to the desk, my heart beating ten to the dozen.

I could feel my face hot and red, my legs were trembling with embarrassment, my mouth felt dry and parched.

Please, just let it be over quickly. Please, just let it be over quickly, I said to myself. There was nobody there. I pressed the bell on the desk and was startled by the loud ring. I saw the door open and a small dark haired girl came out. She looked at me quizzically.

******
I had just had a strange phone call. Life on reception for me was usually pretty tedious, but tonight sounded like it might be different. I had been told I'd  find a naked man in reception. And what's more I'd been told to give him hell. Or at least I'd been asked to do my best to maximise his embarrassment and humiliation. Well, you know me, I didn't have to be asked twice. Iwas going to enjoy it.

************

I put the phone down and giggled. I shouldn't perhaps had done that, but I had won the bet, and he had tried to get out of it. He deserved his punishment.

************

I saw the man, bright red and shaking nervously, now to turn the screw.

"Why are you naked?" I asked.

He looked back at me and stammered. Of course this allusion to his nudity made him feel more embarrassed that ever.  That was why I'd said it.

"Please, I'm locked out of my room," was all he said.

I looked him up and down, letting my eyes roam over his bare body and dwell on his cupped hands which he held over his penis; he had a youthful figure and a boyish face. I could read the fear and embarrassment in his eyes. I frowned slightly.

"Why are you naked?" I asked again.

He realised that he was going to have to provide some sort of explanation

"A bet," his voice croaked.

I looked him up and down again.

"You lost I take it."

"Yes," he croaked , nervously looking round to see if anyone else was coming in.

"So, what can I do for you?"

"Can you give me another card key please."

"Certainly Sir, what is your room number."

"315"

"And some identification."

"I haven't got any identification."

"Oh dear, well I'm afraid I can't help you then."

"What!"

"Hotel rules. No ID, no new key. You might be a thief!"

"Do I look like a thief! I'm in the nude. Do you get many nude thieves roaming round the hotel."

"We probably would if we gave out keys to just anyone just because they were in the nude."

"But how will I get back in my room."

"I will ask one of the staff to let you back in. When there's somebody available.”

“But I’m in the nude!”

“That was your choice not mine. So if you’d like just to wait in reception I’ll let you know when there is somebody available to take you up to your room. And don’t move from that spot. We can’t have naked men roaming round the hotel.”

There was nothing for it.  I'd got him.  He was going to have to stand naked in reception waiting in fear and trepidation in case any more guests came in.

I went back into my office and picked up the phone. The naked man's humiliation wasn't nearly over yet.

************

Stella picked up the phone and dialled another number.

Miss Marcia McPhearson,, or just plain Miss , as she was known to the hotel staff had just got to sleep when the phone blasted in her ear. She was deputy manager of the hotel and it was her night to be on duty for emergencies.

She lifted the receiver, "Yes," she shouted.

"Please Miss," said Stella.

"What?"

"I've a naked man in reception."

"What did you do that for?"

"I didn't do it. He came down to reception saying he was locked out of his room."

"Well, let him back in."

"I can't do that. Security rules. I'm supposed to ring you for you to deal with it."

Marcia swore under her breath. Naked man! Parading round the hotel in his birthday suit! She'd give him what for!

She put on her manager's uniform, a crisp navy suit and white blouse and made her way to reception.

And there he was, having the effrontery to stand in the middle of the lobby without a stitch on, trying to cover his private parts with his hands and looking completely dejected. And so he should. What did he think he was playing at.

"Is this the man?" she snapped at Stella.

"Er... Yes, Miss" it wasn't as if there was more than one naked man to choose from, "He says he got locked out of his room, Miss."

"You,' she barked at Joe, "What's the meaning of this? Why are you naked?"

Marcia, of course knew the correct procedure, she knew all the hotel procedures backwards. But she generally took no notice of them. The correct procedure was to get a new key card and escort the guest back to his room.

However she had been woken up, dragged out for no good reason. To hell with 'customer is always right' the miserable wretch was going to get a telling off he wouldn't forget in a hurry.

She stood in front of him and deliberately let her eyes wander all over his nude form. Just to make him feel really naked. Just to let him understand who was boss.

"Well?" She said.

"Please, can you let me back in my room Miss," the 'Miss' just sort of slipped out.

Marcia noticed noticed the subservient look, the 'Miss', the catch in the voice that comes from a nervous lump in the throat. She was going to enjoy this.

"I asked what was the meaning of this! You come down here parading your private parts in front of this poor girl and you expect us just to let you back in your room..."

"Please Miss I... I wasn't..."

"Did I say you could speak?"

Joe turned bright red and cringed. He was stark naked in front of two women and there was no way he could stand up to them.

"No Miss. Sorry Miss."

"I should think so too. Well? What have you got to say for yourself?"

"I... Er..." Joe wasn't sure if he was supposed to speak now, "I'm sorry Miss."

"Don't apologize to me! Apologize to this young lady first. Then you can explain to us exactly what you're doing here prancing round in the all together."

Joe turned to Marcia.

"Sorry," he blurted out.

"What do you call that excuse for an apology? Her name is Miss Stella. You should be standing in front of her, telling her you've been a naughty boy and begging her forgiveness. That would be a proper apology"

Joe's face was on fire. He turned to Stella, knock kneed, hands still cupped over his naughty bits.

"And stand up straight. Hands by your sides. Take your medicine like a man. There's nothing we haven't seen before."

Stella tried hard to suppress a grin. This was the funniest thing she'd seen in a long time. The man took his hands away displaying his penis for the first time. Stella had to admit to herself she had been dying to see it but hadn't been able to think of a way to get him to remove his hands. Now Marcia had just ordered it and he'd done it. She was a marvel!

The penis was a marvel as well. She had seen the rest of his bare body and it had led her to think he'd have a dinky little one and it was really quite impressive. She flushed slightly.

"There! You've embarrassed her. Waving your willy at her like that. Go on. Apologize!"

"Please Miss Stella. I'm sorry Miss Stella. I've been a naughty boy..."

"A very naughty boy..."

"A very naughty boy Miss Stella. Please forgive me."

Stella tried to look stern, although it was difficult.

"If Miss McPhearson is happy, I accept your apology. And don't keep trying to hide your privates. We both know they're there."

Marcia winked at Stella behind Joe's back. She was catching on fast. It was important to keep his privates on display. No man could stand up to a woman with his privates on display.

"Now," she barked at Joe again, "what is the meaning of all this. I've a good mind to call the police if you haven't got a good explanation."

Of course she would do no such thing. Far too much bother and bad publicity for the hotel, but it was a good ploy to grind him down a bit further.

"Please Miss," the mention of police had terrified Joe, he had visions of being hauled naked down the cells, "I had this bet Miss and I lost and I had to walk along the corridor with nothing on and I got locked out and..."

"You're rambling," snapped Marcia, "I hate people who ramble. Speak up. Explain yourself."

It was all too much. He'd been made to stand in front of the women in the nude and show them his privates, he'd been shouted at and threatened with the police. He felt his will collapse. He felt his eyes watering. He was close to crying. And all of a sudden tears sprang to his eyes and his face crumbled.

"Please Miss, please don't shout at me Miss. I'm a naughty boy Miss. Please don't shout at me.

"Look at the cry-baby! Well you know what naughty cry-babies do, don't you?"

"No Miss," sobbed Joe.

"They go and stand on the naughty table."

"Yes Miss."

"Well go on then. Stand on the table," Marcia pointed to a small coffee table in the middle of the lobby, and Joe was made to stand on the table, in the middle of the lobby, totally naked, like an exhibit.

"And put your hands on your head. We want to have a good look."

"What do you think of him Stella? Now you can see him properly naked."

Poor Joe could only stand there while his completely nude body was discussed by the women. By being instructed to keep his hands on his head he was forced to display his genitals to the viewers unprotected.

"Well his legs are a bit skinny, but he's got a nice bum Miss," said Stella.

"Bugger his bum," said Marcia, although fortunately for Joe she did not mean it literally, "what do you think of his gentleman's sausage? Pretty impressive eh?"

"Please Miss," Joe tried to ask if he couldn't just be allowed back into his room.

"Did I say you could speak?" snapped Marcia.

"N.. No Miss," stammered Joe.

"If you want to get back in your room you'll do as you're told."

"Yes Miss."

"Or would you rather I called the police?"

"No Miss. Please Miss," Joe was terrified of the thought. He would do exactly as he was told.

"You decided to show your penis to this young lady, didn't you?"

"Yes Miss."

"In that case she has a right to comment on it without interruption."

"It's a very nice one Miss. One of the nicest I've seen."

Despite his position Joe felt ridiculously pleased at the comment.

"And a nice pair to go with it, don't you think?"

"Yes Miss."

"Well Stella, what are you going to do with him? I think you can do anything you like. Don't you? I'm off back to bed. You do what you like."

Marcia had had her revenge for being woken up. This was one guests who wouldn't be bothering her again!

"You," she said addressing Joe, "you do what Stella tells you do you hear or there'll be hell to pay. Do you understand?"

"Yes Miss," Joe did understand. He had to do as he was told.

Stella looked at his cock and balls. She was a spirited girl and as such had seen, and indeed felt, her fair share cocks and balls, but the circumstances in which she had encountered them had been more tactile than visual. Looking at these ones she felt a sudden urge for a tactile experience. She had to suppress it. It was one thing to gloat over a nude guest. It would be quite another to squeeze his balls - however much she felt the urge to do so!

She felt more than an urge. She felt a sudden dampness in her panties, a sudden hardness in her nipples. The thought of squeezing his balls, of holding those vulnerable orbs in her bare hand and gripping tightly, had turned her on like flipping a switch.

It wasn't just the fact that he was nude, it was the fact that he was nude and in her power. Should she let him back in his room?

************


A strange change had come over Stella since the thought of squeezing those tempting dangling balls had come into her mind. Marcia had torn Joe off a strip because he had got her out of bed, but seeing the way it made him cringe had awakened in Stella a sort of sexual excitement, the excitement produced by exercising power over a vulnerable and naked victim.

There was one thing to do first - make sure her power was absolute. She walked over to the still cringing figure and with her left hand she lifted up his penis and with her right she took hold of his balls. He had been reduced to such a state of submission that he didn't even protest. Her hand squeezed tight.

"Just remember this," she said, "I've got you by these. Any little dissent and not only do I squeeze but I call the police. They'll be really interested to see you. There's a couple of women police officers who enjoy dealing with naked prowlers."

Joe knew he was beaten. He would do anything he was told. And more.
Stella knew exactly how she was going to fulfil this sexual urge. She was going to give this cringing naked worm the biggest tongue lashing he had ever had in his life.

Seeing him whimper, naked and humiliated, under Marcia's tongue had given her the idea. If he thought his telling off by Marcia was bad, he was going to find out now just how bad the feel of a woman's tongue could be.

There was one thing though. His degradation had to be public. For the real fulfilment of her fantasy there had to be witnesses to his shame.

It was just past midnight. There were bound to be some late night revellers returning at some point. He could stand there on the table, completely nude, and wait for them. The anticipation of what was to come would just add to his punishment.

"Stand there," she ordered, "I'm not finished with you yet."

"Please Miss," Joe whimpered, "what if somebody comes in Miss."

"That's what I'm waiting for. You wanted to show yourself off nude. You asked for it. Now you're going to get it."

Joe cringed even more. It was so unfair. He hadn't wanted to show himself nude. He'd only lost a bet. He didn't deserve this humiliation. But deserve it or not he now knew one thing. Stella had said it. He was going to get it and no mistake. He didn't dare object. He didn't dare move. Figuratively speaking She had him completely under her foot with the heel of her stiletto posed delicately over his balls.

Stella was enjoying herself. She wondered who would be the first to arrive. That was part of the fun. Not knowing. She knew if the wrong person came she might end up getting the sack, but she didn't care. This was far too good a chance to waste.

The door into the hotel lobby slid open. Joe looked round in alarm. He was going to be seen naked by more people. Two teenage girls came in. They were dressed in short skirts and bare midriffs, obviously back from clubbing.

Stella smiled. They were perfect. Joe was shaking with embarrassment. Hands on head. Not allowed to hide his genitals. Forced to display them to the girls.

"What on earth!" The first girl gasped.

"He wanted to show himself naked so I'm making him do just that."

"Please Miss I didn't Miss."

"Who gave you permission to speak?"

"Nobody Miss."

"Well understand this if your puny little brain can comprehend anything," Stella started to get into her stride, " You have no rights here. You are just a miserable little cringing nude worm whose only role is to provide a good laugh for any girl who gets a chance to look at your naked body. Just look at you, shaking like a leaf and blushing like a schoolgirl. Have you no self respect. Are you just going to stand there letting any girl who comes in see your genitals and get a good laugh at them. Because they are laughable you know. That oversized penis and those big hairy balls. They're ridiculous. And do you know what. I've made you stand there completely nude just for my pleasure. Just because I can. Completely nude. Every square inch of that pathetic naked body visible and unprotected. I've made you show us everything and you can do nothing about it. If I told you to bend over and display your bum hole you would do it wouldn't you. Because you're too pathetic to stand up to me. And do you know what - I can see you're getting aroused by this. Because I've made you display your penis I can see it starting to swell. I can see your face getting redder and redder because you can feel your cock going up. Your cock is going up isn't it? I'm making your cock go up and you can't stop it can you?"

And she was right. His cock was going up. In full view of everybody. He could feel his cock going up, these three girls could see it and he didn't dare cover it up. Being exposed nude with an erect cock, it was the most embarrassing thing that had ever happened to him and he was too scared to do anything about it.

But why was it going up? Did he really find being subjected naked to this tongue lashing arousing?

"There you are girls. I told you. He's up like a stick of Blackpool rock. What do you make of that."

"What a pathetic little toad," said the bigger of the two girls, "stripped by girls..."
"I wasn't," poor Joe whimpered, "I wasn't. I wasn't. I wasn't..."

"One more word out of you and you feel my boot up your backside.."
"Yes Miss..."
"I think we should put our boots up his backside anyway," said the smaller of the two girls, "I'm Sharon by the way, and this is Emma."

"Nice to meet you. I'm Stella. Tell me Sharon, what do you think of our pathetic little nudie here. He's not allowed to hide anything. Does he have anything worth displaying."

"Let's have a look," said Sharon, "Tell me how does it feel having your nude body ogled by girls? Enjoy it do you? I's that what's getting you all worked up. And when I say up, I mean right up!"

"Let's see then. Skinny legs, hairy balls, big cock, cute bum" said Sharon, "could do it for me I must say."
"What!" Said Emma, "all that bum's good for is getting a good kicking, "You," she said, "Bend over."
Emma was a girl who had that bossy temperament that often goes with being a sexy girl. The thought of planting a boot on that backside had quite got her going.

Joe did as he was told. She'd have to be pretty flexible to land a kick on his behind from there. She was. It was a knee length buttoned up leather boot and he felt it land square between the buttocks, the tip of the boot making contact with his balls from behind.

He winced and ran forwards trying to protect his bare bottom from further kicks, but Emma was one of those high kicking, boot wearing athletic girls. Another kick landed and he ran round the hotel lobby, his bottom booted from behind every few yards, until he fell flat on his face.

Emma stood over him and carefully placed the heel of her high heeled boot on his back. Joe felt the pressure as her weight transferred onto that foot, felt her move and stand on him as he lay prostrate on the floor stark naked - the heel of one boot in the small of his back, the heel of the other inserted between his buttocks so that he could feel it touching gently against his posterior orifice.

And he had thought things couldn't get any worse.

Lily's Revenge

Knock knock...

Was that somebody knocking at the door?

Knock knock...

It was maid turn down service time and I was in the bath.

Knock knock...

I climb out the bath, wrap a towel round myself, open the door to my hotel room and peer round.

"I've brought you the papers you asked for."

It isn't the maid, it's little Lily, the office junior from the agency with some information from my secretary.  We are all staying the same country house hotel for the night, where the department has come for its annual team building bash.

"Well, I, er...'

"You said to bring them round at six..."

"I don't remember that.  I'm in the bath now!"

"Well you did.  If I can just drop them off, I can go and get ready..."

"Well I suppose..."

I open the door and let her in.

She pushes past into the room, turning to stare noting I'm wearing nothing but a towel.

"Oops!  Sorry!" she says, "I didn't mean to catch you in the..."

And that is when it happens.  As I step forwards I suddenly find I'm not wearing a towel at all, in fact I'm not wearing anything at all, and Lily...

Oh heck!

*****^^****

I had arranged to meet the girls in the department before dinner.  They were an unruly bunch who needed to be kept in hand by a firm approach to discipline.  That was my job, the job of the Boss's secretary.  To keep the girls in the department in order.  So there we were at the dinner table.  Little Lily with her bunches and black hair, Marilyn the blowsy blonde with the big tits, Jane with a round freckled face and a tendency to plumpness and me, Helen, tall slim and a little bit bossy.  They would be liable to drink too much so I was going to have to take control from the beginning.

The girls were talking about the boss's willy.  Some people, people like you for example, might think it a bit weird for five girls to discuss the boss's willy, but honestly seeing there were four of us girls and one of him, what other topic of conversation could it be.

"I reckon it's a little dainty one," said Marilyn, "bullies like him always have a little one.  That's why he shouts so much.  It's what you call it..  Compensatory."

"It's not a little one!" I blurted out.

"You mean you've seen it!" said Lily.

"Well, not exactly."

"What do you mean 'Not exactly'?"

"No, it's nothing.  Forget I said it."

"We can't just forget it.  Come on.  We're dying to know."

Lily was so insistent, that I had to explain.

"He included a nude picture of himself in an e-mail he just sent me.  It must have been an accident obviously, but I could see quite clearly how... Well you could see big it is."

"And you think it was an accident.  He just accidentally sent you a nude picture of himself!"

"Of course Lily, what else would it be?"

It was at this point that everyone started talking at once.  Marilyn was the loudest.

"But..." she started.

"Yes Marilyn?"

"He's just accidentally sent me a nude picture of himself as well.  No reason to think otherwise....  I thought but..."

We all looked at Jane, who had turned beetroot red.

"Well Jane?" I said

"He just sent me this," she showed us a picture of her phone.  It was the same one.

Lily looked at her phone.

"Oh my God!" she said.

This was beginning to look suspicious.  In fact it was looking more than suspicious.

"I tell you what," said Lily, "he's either accidentally emailed us all or...  Either that or he likes to show off his... His..."

"Fine physique?" interjected Jane.

"Well I was going to say cock, but we'll be generous and agree on fine physique."

"I don't know," I said, "What do you think girls?"

"He looks rather good," said Marilyn, "well proportioned.  Wouldn't mind a proper look."

"I meant," I said, "what are we going to do about it?  Confront him?"

"I think," said Lily, "he deserves a little payback."

"A what?"

"A payback.  A little appropriate revenge.  A punishment to fit the crime."

"What!" said Jane , "just because of a silly accident with an e-mail?"

"Do you really think it was an accident?"

Jane thought for a little, "Well it might have been," she said.

"I tell you what," said Lily, "I have a little plan.  He obviously likes showing off his er... fine physique..."

"You mean cock," said Marilyn.

"If he likes to show off his fine physique...," Lily ignored her, "We'll think up a suitable revenge."

*********

"We've decided to go out to a club," said Helen after I had met the girls for dinner.  They had all been sniggering and giggling during the meal so I thought Lily must have mentioned the unfortunate incident with the towel.  Nobody brought the subject up though so that was one small mercy.

"A club?" I said.  I'm not usually a club person.

"Yes, are you coming with us?"

"I don't think so.  I have to..."

"Are you sure?" asked Lily winking ostentatiously, "I thought when I saw you in your room you might be getting ready for a night out.  Did I tell you about that girls, when..."

"Yes, yes..." I interjected.  She hadn't told them what happened! Thank goodness for that, "you're right, I was thinking of a night out.  Of course I'll come with you."

If that's what it took then I'd have to put up with the girls and their stupid girly chatter.

"Lily knows a good place," said Helen, "just right for you she says.  Chose it specially with you in mind."

"Good," I said rather hesitatingly, Lily was winking at me again.

It didn't look like my type of club when we got there.  There were a couple of big bouncers on the door, they were happy with the girls, but looked like they might be going to turn me away, but Lily winked at them and told them it was my birthday.  Which wasn't exactly the truth, wasn't anyway near the truth I fact.

"Telling fibs seems to come easily to Lily," I said to Helen

"There's more to her than you'd think," she replied.

Anyway her little fib did the trick and got us a table right next to the dance floor.  It was dark inside, only the stage was brightly lit and you could barely make out the rest of the audience.  Lily ordered Vodka shots all round and the drinking began.  I don't know if you've ever been the only man in a party of girls drinking shots.  The conversation covers only one subject.  Sex.  And more specifically penises and more specifically...

"Well the biggest cock I ever saw," said Marilyn, "that was this bloke at Uni, in the showers after the rugby match..."

What had Marilyn been doing in the showers with the rugby team!  I didn't like to ask.  And I wasn't to find out because at that moment the music started up and a rather sexy lady came on.  She was tall, dark hair, red lips, big bosoms, and wearing a black basque, fishnet stockings and high heeled thigh length boots. Oh my God!  It was that sort of club.

"Now girls," she announced, "it's time for the treat you've been waiting for!  A big hand for Giorgio!"

And cabaret began.  Oh no!  It was a male stripper.  No wonder the girls had wanted to come here.  It was a great chance to embarrass me.  They cheered him to the rafters.  O heck!  I didn't know where to look.

"Gosh," said Marilyn, "that even beats that bloke in the showers!"

I opened my eyes.  Oh heck!  He hadn't got a stitch on.  I averted them quickly again.  No wonder Marilyn was looking so fascinated.  At last he strutted off, but not until he'd...  Well I'd rather not say, but it involved a can of spray on cream and a tongue.

It was then I found out just exactly Helen had meant by Lily saying there was something specially for me.  From the music and the appearance of the woman in the black basque, who strutted onto the stage it was clear they were setting out to embarrass me even more.

The lights dimmed, the music boomed and she started gyrating round the stage.  Oh my gosh!  Was she  going to start taking the things off!  The girls were roaring with laughter at my embarrassment as they downed more drinks.  I was trying not to keep up, but that didn't stop me starting to feel woozy.

No, she wasn't going to take things off.  She strutted over to hour table and held out her hand to me.  What do you do when someone holds out their hand?  You take it of course.  Which is exactly what I did.  And the next thing I knew she had dragged me out onto the stage.

I knew they'd set me up to be embarrassed on the stage, but I was terrified of Lily blurting out what had happened in the room so I didn't dare object.  So there I was, being cavorted around by a semi-naked girl wearing high heeled boots, black fish net stockings and a black basque.  She was tall, but big bosomed with dark hair and red lips.  She looked formidable. She was difficult to resist, so much so that when she twisted me round and threw me off balance I suddenly ended up on the floor, on my back.  She sat on my chest running her hands up my chest, to a great cheer from the audience.  Before I could object she had swivelled round and shuffled back so that her ample behind was on my face.  I was trapped, and before I knew it she was pulling my trousers off, and with them my shoes and socks.

I stood up.  I had nothing on but my underpants and my torn shirt.  Roars of laughter came from the audience.  Female laughter.  Girls having the time of their life.  Girls!  I looked round at the dimly lit audience.  No wonder the bouncers had been reluctant to let me in.  Every table was filled with girls.  Hen parties and bachelorette parties, girls on a night out.  There wasn't another man to be seen.  It was just dawning on me that I'd been set up when suddenly all the lights went out and it was pitch black...

*************

Lily, it appeared, knew of this club.  A club where girls went for a little special entertainment.  There were male strippers, specially chosen for their exceptionally big ones, but that wasn't all.  If any unsuspecting male could be lured in there he could be dragged up on the stage.  And once that happened, hinted Lily, anything could happen.  She'd even known one unfortunate man who'd had his trousers removed.  That would be a suitable punishment, I thought, a punishment to fit the crime.  Getting him to drop his trousers in front of all those girls, in front of the girls who worked for him.  The ones he'd sent those photographs to.  Yes, that would be a punishment indeed.

And the gullible fool didn't even realise he was the only man there.  Not even when Miss Domina dragged him up on the stage to dance with her.  Not that he did dance of course.  No matter how much she tried to entice him, he just stood there looking more and more embarrassed.  Then it happened.  It was hilarious seeing how she twisted him to the floor and whipped his pants off with consummate and well practiced skill.  So Lily had been right.  He had lost his trousers.  That would teach him a lesson he wouldn't forget.  And suddenly as he stood there confused and red faced, in his shirt and no trousers, the whole place was plunged into darkness.  Had there been a power cut, I counted only five seconds before the lights went on and then...  Oh my gosh!

****************

I stood there in the dark not knowing what on earth to do when suddenly one hand took hold of my shirt and another took hold of my underpants and simply ripped them off.  You can do that you know with clothes if you pull hard enough and fast enough, they just rip straight off. Then she was standing behind me with her arms round me then...  Flash!  The lights came back on.

*********^^^^^^

The lights had hardly been off two seconds, but when the stage was floodlit again he was standing there without a stitch on.  Only the arms of the stripper round him holding a square of black velvet over his privates saved him from total embarrassment.  I looked at Lily.  She hadn't said anything about this.  She'd only said the stripper would pull his trousers down but...  On the other hand he looked so embarrassed standing there, red as a beetroot, shaking like a leaf and unable to move without exposing himself to even more embarrassment.

And now he had to dance.  She was writhing and twisting, standing behind him with her arms around holding the velvet in place.  She was dancing in time to the music, and if he wanted to keep just a modicum of respectability he had to writhe and twist with her.  With no clothes on.  The girls roared and laughed.  She could do anything she liked with him.  Twisting him, turning him, his bottom wiggling, his arms flailing, and all the time she somehow kept the square of velvet tantalisingly over his private parts.

Lily was beside herself with excitement.  Shouting and whistling as the music and dancing got wilder and wilder until it reached a climax and....

***********

I have never been so embarrassed in all my life.  I had nothing on whatsoever and the only thing preserving what little modesty I had left was a little square of cloth that she used to hide my privates.  Thank goodness for small mercies.  But it was a small mercy indeed.  To keep even that little modesty I had to dance in the nude in front of an audience of girls, and except for the little bit covered by the cloth they could see everything.  I was twisted round and round and over and up and the more the music built to a climax, the more I danced naked, the more the girls roared.  And there was nothing I could do.  With all the excitement of dancing in the nude my cock had gone rigid.  She knew that, I knew that, and I'm sure all the girls in the audience must have known.  If I was to avoid the ultimate humiliation of displaying my erect penis I had to keep dancing.

And then, as the music built to a climax she pushed me towards the table where Lily had been cheering me on and the next thing I knew, the cloth was whipped away and my hands pinioned behind my back.  My penis stood, vertical, proud, erect and fully exposed a foot from Lily's face.  And Lily had something in her hand...  A can of spray cream...  And all the girls started cheering.

***********

Standing in the agency Lily looked at the picture her phone.  It was a nice photo of the Boss she'd got when she whipped the towel off him in his room.  Standing there starkers, his face all red.  It had been too good an opportunity to miss.  Then hacking his e-mail and sending the picture to all the girls, that had been a stroke of genius.

She looked at the jobs on offer.  Personal Assistant to the head of HR?  Experience needed.  That looked like a likely one.  And as for experience - well she was always good at telling fibs.

Nude Awakening

I could hear the sound of birds twittering in the trees. A song thrush perhaps or a robin. I tried to sort my mind out. How the heck would I know what bird it was. I can hardly tell a vulture from a pigeon. Still it sounded pleasant, relaxing, and I could feel the warm sun on my skin.

What on earth! My mind felt all jumbled but I could have sworn that thirty seconds ago I was setting off to drive the thirty miles to work and suddenly here I was lying listening to the birds and feeling the hot sun on my bare skin... Bare skin. I opened my eyes. Oh my gosh! I was stark naked. I was lying in the sun in a patch of sunlight without a stitch on. Completely nude.

What on earth had happened. I had been setting off to work. Or had I? Was that today or another day? And where was work anyway? I had a clear recollection that I drove thirty miles to work from home, but I couldn't remember more. Where was home for that matter? I mean I could remember what home looked like, a small cottage in a country village. I could remember work, an office in the town. But where on earth were they? And where on earth was I? And what on earth was I doing there in the nude!

And more to the point what on earth was I going to do about it.

***********

Joe was a creature of habit. That was why he was good at quality documentation management. It was a job suited to creatures of habit. He rose at six-thirty every morning. He showered, he dressed, he ate a healthy breakfast of porridge oats, fruit juice and muesli. He got into his clean and polished black BMW, his pride and joy, and he set off to drive into work.

He never varied. Not until... Well it was a temptation... It was something he never did but he was tempted... And just for once he broke a habit of a lifetime.

************

I would have to get home somehow. I could remember what the village looked like, just not what it was called. The name seemed on the tip of my tongue, but every time I nearly grasped it, it seemed to slip away again. Never mind, I could describe it to someone. It must be nearby. Somebody would recognise it, and as soon as they said the name I would recognise it.

I would just have to... Just have to what? What could I do? I had nothing. No money, no clothes, nothing.

Oh my gosh! I don't normally swear, but Oh My Gosh! I stood and looked around.  I would have to ask for help and I had no clothes on!

But there was nothing for it. I would have to set off walking until I found a path and then walk along it until I came to somewhere or met someone. They would see me with no clothes on. And how embarrassing would that be!

Have you ever tried walking through a wood completely nude? I can tell you this, woods are full of scratchy prickly things that you don't notice when you have clothes on. It took quite some time before I eventually found my way on to a path, covered in prickles and scratches.

I could feel my face redden. Sooner or later I would meet someone and what on earth was I going to say.

*********

Joe went by the country roads. The green, leafy, windy country roads of the heart of England. He enjoyed the early morning sunshine, a pleasant easy journey until.

Screech!

Two girls were standing at the side of the road, sticking their thumbs out hitch-hiking in a way that blocked up all the road. He had no choice but to screech to a halt.

"Hi! Thanks," said the tallest, "we thought nobody would ever stop for us."

Joe was about to inform them that he had stopped only to avoid running them over, but his gaze met the gaze of the girl. She was tall, slim, with deep auburn hair, lustrous and shiny, the colour of a copper beech. And her eyes! They were a startling violet colour almost seeming to be flecked with gold. It was an arresting face. The sort of face, the sort of eyes, that make you stop dead in your tracks and change your habit of a lifetime.

"It's a pleasure," he said, "where would you like to go?"

*******

It is a very strange sensation being naked outdoors. You can feel the breeze on every part of your naked body, you are only too aware that you are completely bare, you feel totally vulnerable, acutely embarrassed, but at the same time rather elated at the sense of freedom it gives you.

That is until you meet somebody, then the embarrassed vulnerability takes over again. I heard them before I saw them. Two girls voices, chattering as they walked, the way girls always do. My instinct was to dive off the path and hide in the bushes, but what good would that have done. You might wonder why I didn't wait perhaps for a man to come along, but believe me, it would have been far more embarrassing to be caught nude by a man than a girl.

I had to stand there, red faced, knees trembling, wearing nothing but a silly grin and wait for the girls to come. Then a thought struck me. Should I cover my naughty bits with my hands, I mean when you see people caught in the altogether in films no things they always stand knock-kneed hiding their privates with their hands, no they look completely stupid.

I didn't want to look any more stupid than I had to. I would look more natural, more relaxed, more confident if I just left them on view. After all I couldn't believe that in this day and age girls would be shocked by the sight of a willy. They must know I had one, and they must know what it would look like (within reason). Yes, that is what I would do. I would just walk up to meet them, as if walking through the woods in your birthday suit was the most natural thing in the world.

*********

The girl fixed him with her violet eyes flecked with gold.

"That's all right Esmée will drive. We can sit and talk."

"But..."

"Come and sit in the back with me. We can talk."

Suddenly sitting together with those eyes seemed the most wonderful thing in the world. He vacated the driving seat and sat in the back. Esmée started the engine and the car moved smoothly forward. And in all this he had never even thought to give her a destination.

**********

The girls had stopped no were standing grinning as I approached them. All the effort to appear natural and confident vanished. I went redder than ever. My legs trembled more than ever. I could think of only one thing. They could see my penis.

There are lots of people in this world whose penises have been viewed many times. I had led a sheltered life. I wasn't one of them. I could count on one hand the number of females who had seen my penis: the midwife, my mother, the doctor (on one embarrassing occasion) and our form mistress at school who found it her duty to check the boys weren't misbehaving in the changing rooms after swimming lessons - every week ('Come on you boys! Some of you haven't even got any clothes on yet!')

The girls looked incredibly sexy. They wore tight shorts, tight tee shirts, sunglasses, white floppy hats. Their legs were long, slender and tanned, their arms were smooth and brown, their bosoms were firm and round. And they were looking at my penis.

Oh heck!

I clapped my hands over it and stood knock-kneed and nude in the middle of the path, face burning and legs shaking.

The taller one smiled.

"Can I help you?" she said.

********

He was sitting in the back of his car with a beautiful girl. A girl with mesmerising eyes.

Esmée slipped a CD into the player. Strange music haunted the car. at least one moment it sounded like music, the next like haunting echoing sounds that washed over his brain and through his mind as if clearing it of all thoughts.

"Think," said the girl with the violet eyes! sitting beside him, "of the most beautiful garden you have ever seen. The flowers are massed in the most glorious colours, the trees are tall and majestic the roses bloom in abundance and their heady scent fills the air."

He stared into those violet eyes and imagined it. The music seemed to fill his thoughts, he felt at peace. He could feel the warm sun on his face. He could hear the songbirds in the trees, song thrushes and robins.

"There," she said, and her voice had deepened and taken on a tone of authority, a tone that was so clear, so firm that it had to be believed, "there. Can you see it. A lake, water lilies lie on the surface, moor hens scoot among their leaves. Go over to that lake..."

He could see it. In his mind's eye, but he could see it. He walked over to it.

"How lovely to go in to that lake to feel the cold water, to go in, to go down, listening to my voice, and as you go down feel yourself giving way to me, listening to my voice, obeying only my voice."

He stepped forward and felt the cold water envelope his foot...

*******

"Please..." I stammered, now it came to it I couldn't think what to say, "Please..."

"Please what?" asked the taller girl.

"Please... I don't seem to have any clothes on..."

"Well, I think we can see that."

"But you see I..."

"It's all right. We understand," she gave a little laugh, "You fancied a walk through the woods in a state of nature. It was all quiet. You didn't think you'd meet anyone. Now you're embarrassed because we came along and caught you in your birthday suit. We don't mind. Honestly."

"It's not that. It's...."

"It's what?"

"I don't know where my clothes are."

"Oh my God! You haven't lost them have you!" she burst out laughing. They both burst out laughing.

"Er... Yes. Yes..." I said, it seemed to be the simplest thing, "I seem to have taken all my clothes off and now I've lost them."

"Oh dear oh dear. You are in a pickle! Perhaps we should give you a lift home."

"That would be wonderful. You have a car?"

"Yes," she grinned, "it's in the car park."

"But...  I mean..," I stammered, blushing bright red with embarrassment, "I can't walk through a car park...  With...  With..."

"With no clothes on?"

"Well...  Yes..."

"It rather looks like you're going to have to."

"But I can't do that."

"Look at it this way. You took all your clothes off didn't you?"

"Well yes."

"And that was a rather naughty thing to do wasn't it?"

"But..."

"So naughty things deserve a little punishment. Don't they?"

"Well...  I suppose..."

"So, You can look on walking through the car park in the nude with everyone looking at you as your punishment. You do deserve it don't you?"

"Well I suppose.."

"There you are then."

She set off along the path.

"Is that the way to the car park?"

"Of course not. We want to finish our walk first. Don't look so worried. I don't suppose we'll meet many people."

***********

"Feel the coolness of the water envelope you. Listening only to my voice and my voice alone. You go down and the more you go down the more you listen to my voice. The water creeps up your legs. You can feel it. Feel it as you listen to my voice."

He felt it.

"You are sinking slowly. Listening to my voice. Obeying only my voice. And as you sink you you are more and more relaxed. Listening only to my voice, obeying only my voice."

He obeyed the voice. He felt the water rise over his body.

"You are getting deeper now. Deeper and deeper. Soon the water will be over your head. And when it is over your head you will obey me and only me. You will listen to my voice and only my voice."

He felt the water go over his head. He was submerged in the voice and only the voice.

********

Oh dear! I was walking with two sexy girls dressed in tight shorts, tight tee shirts, sunglasses and floppy hats and I was completely nude. Now I had put my hands over my willy I didn't like to remove them, but I felt silly like that. Tentatively I removed them.

The girl looked and smiled.

Oh heck! I clamped them back again. I was being stupid I knew. But it was so embarrassing having been caught with nothing on.

"How far is the car park."

"About quarter of an hour."

Fifteen minutes and then...

Then what?. I had no idea where I was or where I should ask the girls to take me. I racked my brains. I could remember what my cottage looked like. A typical stone built country cottage in a little village, with a church and a village green and it was called...

The name nearly came to me but then slipped away as if something blocked me from remembering.

And who was I? I could remember living in the cottage. I could remember my work. I could remember growing up and my past life. But I couldn't for the life of me remember my name, or the name of the place I worked, or the names of my friends or indeed the names of anything.

They must be in my brain somewhere, but it was as if they were shut away in a locked drawer.

Oh heck! I was going to,have to ask for help.

But who from?

**********

He was in a strange land in a dream. But it was a nice dream. He felt at peace. He felt happy. It seemed like he had been going somewhere full of the cares of the world and was now released to walk in peace through the beautiful English countryside. Birds sang, soft breezes blew and leaves rustled.

The girls watched him as he walked through the wood. They were doing him a favour in a way. He had looked so stressed and now he looked so peaceful.

They reached a small clearing. It looked like a good spot.

"This is a place of peace," she said, in her special voice, the voice he had been trained to obey. It was not her normal light Irish brogue but a deeper accentless voice. A voice of command.

He stopped.

"It is a place of peace. A place where clothes need not be worn. You need to be naked. You want to be naked."

Naked! Of course he wanted to be naked. He had to be naked. He removed his jacket and slowly he started to unbutton his shirt.

*********

Oh heck!

I could see the car park ahead. And it wasn't just a car park. There was a picnic area as well, with people picnicking. And I was going to have to walk past them.  And I was in the nude.  Completely in the nude! What would the people think? What would they say?

With a sudden jolt of recognition I realised I knew this place. It was... It was... No matter how hard I tried the memory remained locked away.

I was lagging behind the girls a bit, reluctant to embark on the long walk, the long walk past all the people, parading about in the nude.

That was what people say when they see somebody with nothing on. They say they're 'parading about in the nude'.

And I'd soon be parading about in the nude in front of all those people.

"Come on," the taller girl said, "the car's over there."

There was nothing for it, I stepped out into the open.

The noise in the picnic area suddenly hushed. People stopped talking, the way people do when they see somebody walking past stark naked.

And then they started again, whispering, not doing anything, because after all they were British and British people would be far too reserved to actually do anything.

But they whispered. Why do people think you can't hear them when they whisper.

"Look over there!"

"Goodness me!"

"He's got no clothes on!"

My face burned with embarrassment. My ears burned. My legs trembled. I hadn't a stitch on. Totally bare. Everybody could see everything.

"Pl... Please can we hurry up," I begged,

But the wretched girl had stopped. She'd actually stopped to chat to someone.

And there I was left stranded. Standing there in the picnic area. Completely nude. And the giggles started.

**********

The girls looked at the figure standing in the clearing. It had all been so easy. A mind so easy to control and so eager to obey. He was completely nude, after all they may as well take everything. Esmée stuffed his clothes into her rucksack and counted out the money in his wallet. He had a good selection of credit cards as well, with the PIN numbers neatly listed. Yes, that type of orderly mind was always eager to obey. She rattle his car keys.

"Come on," she said.

"Not yet," said her companion fixing her penetrating eyes on the naked figure. He was nice looking with no clothes on; nice slim legs, nice bum, she always the nice firm rounded cheeks of a bare behind, and a nice well proportioned penis. Yes, it was always worth while getting them to strip naked. Of course he would be left to wake up in the altogether, but that was part of the fun. So she would just have to make sure he was conditioned before they left.

"Dance," the voice in his head told him, "dance naked in the sun. You must dance naked. At one with nature."

And he danced as he had never danced before. His naked body leaping, twisting, writhing in the sun. He felt the cool breeze and the hot sun on his skin, and he danced.

"Now," said the voice, "you may rest. Lie upon the soft earth and rest. And sleep. And when you wake you will remember nothing of today. It will be like a dream you knew you had but can remember nothing of."

And he felt his eyes close, and he lay upon the ground, and he slept.

*********

"Come on. Come on..." I whispered to the girl, "people are starting to laugh."

Why do people laugh when they see somebody caught in the nude? You must have noticed. Is it nervous laughter, is it just that people look funny in the nude, or is it that they are laughing at the embarrassed humiliation of the person caught in the nude?

From the nature of the laughter I rather felt it was the latter.

"Come on.."

The girl finally moved away towards the car. And a very impressive car it was too.

The girl smiled, "Where do you want to go to?" she asked.

"It's a village. With a church. And a village green."

"That's every village in the Cotswolds."

The Cotswolds? That was where we were. Of course. Little morsels of memory were starting to come back,

"Yes it's... It's..." the name was there. Just in the tip of my tongue.

"It's where?" the girl got into the driving seat of the smart black car.

"It's it's... Westbury!"

The name came back to me. Memories were starting to return in a flood.

The girl started the engine if the car. It had a familiar purring sound. She removed her sunglasses and looked at me with a pair of startling violet eyes.

"Sorry, not going there," she said in her light Irish Brogue and put her foot down on the accelerator.

The black BMW sped off. My black BMW.

I became conscious of a loud sound around me. The sound of... Of people roaring with laughter. A formidable looking woman was approaching me.

Oh heck! Suddenly I could remember everything. Suddenly I was conscious of the fact that I was stark naked in the middle of a public picnic area.

I was going to have some explaining to do.

"What on earth..." started this woman.

There was only one way out of this. I clamped my hands over my privates and stood knock-kneed.

"Where am I?" I said, "who am I?"

And I started to dance.