Bouncing Balls

Quite why they had decided that I would be suitable material as a door to door salesman for beauty products I don't know.  Apparently some guru in marketing had come up with the idea.  He said that the stunning girls who usually sold such things might put some women off.  That flattery from a man would be more effective.  Anyway when my job in accounts was made redundant I was offered this as an alternative.  I couldn't turn it down, there weren't many jobs in expenses control with modern computerisation.

I knew the girls by name, if not by sight.  I'd been dealing with their expenses for years.  I was always having to pull them up on something.  They seemed to think they could buy drinks on expenses for a start.  They tried to wheedle me, but I know how to stay firm.  There was no way those girls could get me to do anything I didn't want to do.  Sometimes they had to wait over a week before they got them paid!  And some mighty funny ones there had been.  I had queried Monica's receipt for a Mark II Fanny Tickler, but she had explained that it was to enable her to demonstrate special female products to the customers.  I didn't ask for any further clarification, to be honest I didn't want to know.  Then Tracey had submitted a receipt for full body spray tan and waxing.  I had queried that forcefully, but had had to back down when she offered to show me the result.

That was after I'd been offered the new job.  She'd said that all the reps had to have it done.  That I would have to have it done.  It was company policy.  I didn't want to do it, but well, if everybody had it done.  It was embarrassing enough getting it done in the first place.  What a bossy girl at the salon!  I had to take all my clothes off while she sprayed me down and then - well talk about embarrassing - I hadn't realised what was going to be waxed.  I mean the girl said everyone was having it done, but who's going to see there!  I mean it's not as if I was going to be displaying that to all the girls!  Anyway when I put the claim in it was turned down!  I'd just claimed for the tan as well.  Far too embarrassing to claim for the other thing.  My new boss just laughed, she said the girls had been having me on.

So there I was, tanned and a bit of a laughing stock among the girls; from their giggles they must have known what else I'd had done.  Mind you they were all tanned as well, so I bet they'd all had the treatment!

And I was at the annual training course on how to persuade the female populace to buy our wonderful products.

"Persuading the Customer". That was the name of the course.  It was all pretty tedious stuff I'm telling you, until it got to the end of the day.  We had a late addition to the course.  A lady called Veronica who was apparently going to demonstrate how you could make somebody do something they really wouldn't want to do.

"Can I have a volunteer for this demonstration," she asked.

Well, nobody can get me to anything I don't want to do.  Nobody was able to get stupid expenses claims past me!  Not for at least a week, or a few days, at any rate.  Not that I was going to volunteer.  I certainly didn't want to be any sort of guinea pig, Tracey would volunteer, she was a right show-off.

But nobody moved.  Veronica looked straight at me.

"You look the sort that can be easily persuaded," she said.

"Not me," I replied, "you'll not get me to do anything I don't want to do."

"Well in that case you won't mind volunteering."

"Well..."

"I think you are worried you'll be made to do something you don't want to do."

"Not at all."

"Then what are you afraid of?"

"Nothing"

"Then you'll volunteer.  Well done.  A round of applause for our volunteer ladies!"

"Yes...  Well... Of course...  If you put it like that..."

"So there we are.  He's just agreed to do something he didn't want to do.  Men!  So easily manipulated!  Now if you'll just wait outside the room and I'll explain to the girls what's going to happen."

So there I had to sit, listening to muted voices interrupted with guffaws of laughter.  Whatever it was she was planning she was making it sound funny.

So I was a bit nervous when I went back in.  The girls were all looking sort of expectant.  What was I going to have to do?

"Right," said Veronica, "I'm going to teach you how to juggle."

Teach me how to juggle.  What had that got to do with the price of tea in China!  How stupid.  I had no problem in being taught how to juggle.

She handed me three juggling balls.

"What do I do with these?"

"Juggle with them of course."

"I thought people juggled with just two balls."

"Well that just shows how wrong you can be.  It's much easier to juggle with three.  They take longer to go up and down.  But you still need to concentrate.  A lot!  Because if you get to complete the task at the end the girls are going to get a big treat and you wouldn't want to let them down would you?  Can you concentrate?"

"Of course.  I'll not let anybody down."

"That's what I thought.  You look to me like a quick learner.  And you're going to have to be if the girls are going to get their treat.  Do you think he can do it girls?"

"Not a chance," somebody said to loud guffaws.

Not a chance eh?  Well I'd show them.  If they were relying on me I wouldn't be letting them down.

"Right.  This what you do.  Just follow me.  Hold two balls in the left hand and one in the right hand.  Toss up one in the left hand," I followed her exactly, "and when it is at the top of the throw, throw up the one in the right hand like this, and when that reaches the top throw up the remaining one in the left hand, and just keep tossing.  On in the left, one in the right and one in the air at all times."

It looked easy when she did it but my balls went all over the place.  It took five minutes before with total concentration I could get all three going at the same time.  It was good.  I was really proud of myself.  As long as I concentrated completely I could keep it going.

"I think he's got it girls.  He's really got the knack.  See.  I told you you were a quick learner.  I think the girls are going to get their treat after all.  Are you willing to do the next part of the task so the girls will get their treat. They're relying on you.  You won't let them down will you?"

"No way," I said, proud of my newly acquired juggling skills.

"Right.  For this task you need to put on your jugglers' costume."

"My what?"

"Your costume.  These."

And she held up a pair of brief gold lamé panties.

"I can't wear those."

"Why ever not?"

"Well they're...  Well... Rather brief."

"Well that's what jugglers wear.  You're not shy are you?  I think you'd look good in them.  Wouldn't he look good in them girls?"  A big cry of assent went up.  "I mean your not shy about wearing a bathing costume at the pool are you?"

"Of course not."

"And you think you look good in a costume.  Slim manly figure?"

"Well yes..."

"So?  What are you waiting for?"

I had thought I could keep my underpants on underneath, that that woukd disguise any unfortunate bulge.  Then I looked at the panties.  They were very brief, not quite a thong, but not much better.  Wearing those was going to be embarrassing to say the least

"I mean..." It was more than a bit embarrassing to tell the truth, but I thought of a way out.  "There's nowhere for me to get changed," I said.

"That's no problem," she said, "you can get changed in the Ladies room."

"What?"

"Through that door.  It's quite private."

The trouble is when you try to get out of something with an excuse and the excuse is knocked on the head.  There's nowhere to go.  Except into the Ladies that is.

"But...  Well, they're rather brief."

"But you said you weren't shy.  You're not going to let everyone down just out of silly modesty are you?"

"No..."

"Good.  Give him a round of applause girls."

So I crept into the Ladies.  The costume was even briefer than I had thought.  How had I ever thought I could keep my underwear on.  They were very brief and they were very tight.  I looked in the mirror.  At least I was nicely tanned.  But there was a distinct bulge at the front and not for the first time in my life I wished mine weren't quite so big.

I crept out into the hall.  There was a big gasp.

"Oh dear," said Veronica, "you do look embarrassed.  Are you embarrassed?"

"Um...  Well..." I didn't like to admit to it.

"You're really embarrassed aren't you?"

"Well, yes..."

"And you look as if you really don't want to do this."

"Well...  Yes."

"You see girls.  We've made him do something really embarrassing that he didn't want to do.  And it was really easy wasn't it."

She handed me back the juggling balls.

"Now let's see if we can embarrass him some more!"

************

So, when they told us that nuisance from Expenses was moving to join us in the sales department we nearly had a fit laughing. What Numpty had thought that up.  Apparently they had been trying to get rid of him for months.  A total incompetent apparently.  I'm not surprised really, we could wrap him round our little fingers.  It started just by us putting drinks and things in expenses, he muttered a bit, but we soon bullied him into accepting them.  That was what was so funny.  He thought he was so strict, that nobody could make him do anything he didn't want to do, and we could get him to do anything.

Then we started putting stupider and stupider things on expenses just to see how far we could go.  I put down a Mark II Fanny Tickler (so much better than the Mark I), and Tracey put down for a full body spray tan and waxing.  Well, we thought that was a step too far, but not a bit of it!

That must have been the last straw, because that was when they moved him.  Apparently they couldn't just fire him, so somebody came up with the bright idea of telling him he'd been moved to selling lady's products.  Surely that would make him resign!  But no.  There he was in the training course.  And the funny thing was Tracey had told him all the sales girls had to have a full body spray on tan, and there he was tanned like film star.  The thing was, we all wondered if it really was full body.  We knew he'd never go for the waxing, but we were dying to know about the full body tan.  Had he been sprayed absolutely everywhere!

There was a way of finding out.  Veronica.  Veronica had this show for parties and things as a hobby.  She just had the natural knack of getting people to do what she wanted.  All I needed to do was persuade the boss that she would be good on the course and it was almost as good as done.

It was a wonder to watch as she slowly manoeuvred him into standing on the stage with his pathetic attempts at juggling wearing nothing but a gold lamé thong.  It left little to the imagination!  The juggling was a brilliant notion.  The sort of thing only Veronica could think up.  It gave a seemingly innocent reason for getting him to wear that ridiculous costume and at the same time distracted from the real object of the exercise.  And of course while he was concentrating so hard on that he wouldn't realise what he was being manoeuvred into.  

  

*************

When I'd put the costume on it turned out to be even briefer than I had thought.  Just a thin band around my waist and between my legs and a wider bit over my bottom, and a pouch at the front to cover the naughty bits.

But if the girls were to get their treat, they were relying on me.  I had to juggle for five minutes.

"I don't think I..."

I had thought I'd just have to juggle for a few seconds then I could escape.

"You don't think you're up to it?  You can't concentrate that long?"

"Yes of course I can but..."

"So what's the problem.."

"Well I..."

"You're not shy are you?  You're quite respectable in that costume.  Don't you trust me?"

"Well of course I do..."

"Well then...  Get going..."

So I did.  I'd show them how well I could concentrate.  There were laughs and giggles and even outright guffaws, but I wasn't distracted.  Tracey was counting down the time.

"Five, four three, two, one...  And... Stop!"

I'd done it!  I stopped and looked round.  I immediately saw what the girls had been laughing at.  What Veronica had been doing to distract me.  She had a glove puppet of a rabbit on her hand and it was silently applauding. I'd been concentrating so hard I hadn't even noticed! That's how good I was.

"Well done!  Well done!" Said Veronica, applauding with the rabbit, "one more task and the girls will get their treat."

"One more!"

"Of course, you didn't think that was it, did you?"

"Well... Er...  No.."

"There you are then.  One more task."

"What is it?" I asked blushing with apprehension.

"Juggle for five minutes wearing Flopsy," she indicated the rabbit glove puppet.

"But how can I juggle wearing a rabbit on my hand?"

"Well you'll have to wear it somewhere else," she looks down at my thong.

"No, no..." I can't.

"Why ever not, it wouldn't really be covering any less than this," and she twanged the band round my waist holding my costume up.

"But it's...  It's different."

"Can't see why."

"I'd be in the nude apart from...  From...  Well, that thing..."

"What's your costume covering that Flopsy isn't?"

"Well nothing really but..."

"I think you're just pretending to be shy because you can't do the juggling."

"Yes I can..."

"Well, prove it then.  You said yourself you're not shy and the change of costume makes no practical, difference.  You can't let the girls down can you?  They'll think you're a failure.  They'll not get their treat."

"But... But...," it was not good.  I was beaten and I knew I was.  I sneaked into the Ladies room, took off the costume, replacing it by fitting the rabbit over my...  Well, over you know where.  It fitted quite snugly.  I was glad for once I was quite well proportioned down there.  There was no chance it would fall off.

I crept back into the room to be greeted by more howls of laughter.  It might have been that the costume didn't cover much, but somehow being completely nude except for a glove puppet fitted over my privates was somehow so much worse.    I felt completely bare.  I was completely bare.  I could feel my face burning with embarrassment.  Veronica just smiled and handed me the juggling balls.

"Five minutes.  Concentrate hard mind.  One mistake and well.  You might have to start again!"

I concentrated hard.  I didn't want to do this twice.  My eyes fixed on the balls.  One, two, three.  One, two, three.  One, two, three.  It seemed like an eternity until at last I heard Tracey counting down.

"Ten, nine, eight, seven..."

A huge cheer went up and the girls started clapping along with the numbers. I looked at Veronica and my eyes opens wide with horror.  On her right hand, joining in enthusiastically with the clapping was Flopsy.  If Flopsy was on her hand it couldn't be covering my....  I looked down.  I now knew why the girls were cheering.  My last vestige of covering was gone.  My penis was on view.  I was completely nude.  I froze with embarrassment at the act of throwing the ball.  It went up in the air, came down, bounced on the ground and rolled under the table.  Oh no!  Oh no! The only thing I could think of was that I'd have to finish, or do the whole thing again with absolutely nothing on.  I had to get the ball back...

************

So there he was 'juggling' away in his thong.  When I say 'juggling' I mean throwing the balls in the air in some sort of random fashion and just about managing not to drop them.  It was hilarious.  His brief little costume didn't leave much to the imagination.  He was certainly tanned all over the bits we could see, but the five percent still hidden?  Had he really had his naughty bits sprayed.  And as for the waxing, there was no way of knowing if he was bare bald (or should that be bare balled) under that costume.

I hadn't really meant for things to go as far as they did.  When I had asked Veronica to see if she could get him to juggle in a pair of gold lamé pants I hadn't expected anything quite as brief as those.  Still, they were just about respectable.  I mean she'd said they were just like a pair of brief bathing trunks like you see sometimes.  Well I suppose they were, just about.  They were cut high and very tight so you could see about ninety percent of a very cute little bottom and the clear outline of a pair of handsome orbs and what looked to be an impressive cock.

But Veronica was determined to see how far she could get him to go.  Little steps at a time.  Little bits of  'You've gone this far, don't throw everything away by chickening out now' and 'don't let everyone down' and all the other tricks that get people into a situation where they can't say 'No'.

Convincing him that wearing the rabbit was no different to his little costume was absolutely brilliant.  And it was so funny.  Watching him there trying to throw and catch the balls practically nude, wearing nothing at all except a glove puppet over his cock and balls.  It must have been so humiliating, we could see how much he was shaking with embarrassment, but he still did it!  And he was concentrating so hard that he never noticed a thing when Veronica deftly removed Flopsy and put the puppet on her hand.  How mean you're thinking.  Well, nobody had forced him to do anything, it was just his own silly vanity and now he was paying the price and we were getting our promised treat.  And what a fine treat it was.  Nude with bouncing balls, and I don't mean the ones he was trying to throw up and catch.  His impressive balls bounced up and down in a fascinating fashion as he leapt around trying to throw and catch.  They were smooth as billiard balls, and looked almost as big.  And they were as nicely tanned as the rest of his rather fine figure.  Even his cock had been waxed and sprayed, some girl must have had fun doing that!  It must have taken extra spray as well, judging from his size.  All in all he was indeed a fine figure of a man and it was a real treat to see a well tanned, well endowed man, jumping around in the altogether.  A real treat indeed.  He'd actually got himself waxed and sprayed all over.  And...

Tracey was counting down when out of the corner of his eye he spotted Flopsy on Veronica's hand.  Suddenly it dawned on him that his privates must be on display.  You could almost see the panic take over, the indecision, what should he do, what should he do.  You could almost see it registering in his brain - 'My cock's on display!  Everyone can see my cock!'  It was totally hilarious!  Only one thing seemed to obsess him, the need to get to the end of his five minutes.  Of course whatever concentration he had had was broken, he dropped a ball, it bounced away under the table and in his panic he went after it.

Down on all fours, head and arms under the table, bottom in the air.  He couldn't have given us a better view if he'd set out to do it deliberately.  Waxed and tanned, his cute little bum was displayed to the cheering girls.  And he'd lost the ball completely.  He was going to have to do it all over again.

************

It really was a most successful training course.  I'd demonstrated my ability to learn a new skill in just a few minutes and shown them I could concentrate completely despite distractions.  Nearly all the girls told me how impressed they'd been by my bouncing balls, and I'd only dropped them two or three times.  They now said they saw me as a whole, at least that's what I think they said.  In fact they were so impressed they made me do the juggling over and over again until I'd got it perfect.

Even so they've put me back in Expenses.  Seemed like they couldn't do without me.  And my juggling act is in constant demand for girls' parties.  Flopsy is getting a bit worn out though.

Hungarian Rhapsody

Stuck in a hotel overnight with Tanya.  Every man's wet dream you might think.  Tanya, from our Romanian office, was after all the sexiest thing on two legs I'd ever seen.  And what legs!  Long and slender, with beautiful thighs, as far up as you could see that is.  And you could see a long way up given the length of skirts she wore.  Her waist was slim and her bosoms ample, as far down as you could see of course.  And with the way she undid the top buttons of her blouse you could see a long way down.  She had a face of exquisite, not quite beauty, exquisite sexiness is the best way I can put it and long lustrous auburn hair.  As I said, every man's wet dream.

And thanks to the airline strike here I was stuck for another night in the hotel in Budapest with Tanya.  Not of course that anything would happen.  I was far too shy for that, but Tanya for a companion, that was enough.  Because Tanya had a reputation, a reputation for quite what I wasn't absolutely sure, but when people talked about Tanya they sort of smiled and winked if you know what I mean.

"What we do now?" asked Tanya in her almost fluent and sexily accented English.  We had enjoyed dinner and drunk a little too much wine and it was getting near what I regarded as my bed time.  Obviously Tanya did not regard it as bed time.

I didn't want to appear a wimp and disappear to bed at nine o'clock.

"I don't know," I said, "perhaps we can..." I couldn't think of anything.

"I know," said Tanya, "let's go for swim."

"I haven't got a costume with me.  I didn't know we'd be stuck here overnight."

"Neither do I too.  I know.  We can ask at the pool if they have costume they can lend.  Guests sometimes left them behind and they have few they can lend off."

"Lend out..."

"Sorry?"

"We say 'lend out' not 'lend off''."

"That is what I say, lend out..."

"Well, yes, all, right then..."

Tanya spoke to the girl on the desk at the spa in fluent gobbledygook, which I presumed was Hungarian.  Why can all foreigners seem to speak every language fluently while the pathetic English speaker is lucky if he can stutter a few words in schoolboy French.

The girl turned to me and smiled, then said something more incomprehensible to Tanya. She was a stunning Hungarian beauty, raven haired, taller than the petite Tanya, slim and looking incredibly sexy in her white tunic uniform.  Her name badge told me she was called Elena.

Tanya turned to me.

"She say they have no costumes, but costumes are not necessary in the sauna area."

"Not necessary?"

"Yes.  It is the sauna.  You do not need wear costume in the sauna.  You can be, how you say, on the altogether.  That is right is it not.  On the altogether?."

"In the altogether.  We say in the altogether when we talk about someone with no clothes on."

"That is what I say - in the altogether."

She turned to Elena and repeated "In the altogether" and the both burst out laughing.  They obviously found the expression amusing.

"Yes... But..."

Oh dear!  Here was the big difference between the shy English and the confident European.  It's not that we English are prudish about parading around nude in a sauna, it just that we are shy.  And it's not that Europeans are brazen exhibitionists, it's just that it is natural for them.  It's what they're used to.  And now Tanya was suggesting it.

I couldn't just be the shy Englishman, could I.  And I must say the chance of seeing all the way up Tanya's legs to the top was a strong incentive.  After all, it was the norm here, nothing to be shy about was there?

"But?" repeated Tanya.

"But..  Er...  No...  I Yes...  Of course..."

"That is good then.  I meet you in sauna in five minutes," and with that she took a towel from the reception area and marched off to the female changing room.

Oh heck!  That had done it!  I was committed now.  Why had I agreed!  All right, I was going to see up to the top of Tanya's legs, but she was going to see my cock.  She wouldn't mind, she was no doubt totally relaxed about being seen in the altogether as she put it, and no doubt she would keep her legs together, but it was no good me keeping my legs together.  I'd have to display my cock, and on top of the extreme embarrassment of being naked with a work colleague, there was the added embarrassment of the size of my cock.  When I had been young I had been what is sometimes called a late developer, I had been mortified that my cock was at least two inches smaller than the other boys, but whereas the others has stopped growing in their mid-teens, I had continued to grow, at least my cock had continued to grow.  I was now mortified that is was at least two inches bigger than what Wikipedia confidently told me was the average.  As I said.

Oh heck!

I took off my clothes in the changing room, pathetically delaying the moment of exposure by going as slowly as possible, wrapped my towel round me, and crept to the sauna.  Tanya was already there, sitting on the bench with a towel wrapped demurely round her.  Thank goodness!  I'd be able to keep my towel on.

But...

"Hello...  There is no one else here is there...  We can take our towels off then..."

"Er...  Yes...  Well...  Er..."

"Oh!  I see!  You are how you say?  Shy?  You are the shy Englishman.  But we cannot wear the towels in the sauna can we?"

"No, of course not...  I er...   Er..."

I couldn't um and er any longer, I stood up and took off the towel.  And with my face scarlet with embarrassment I sat down opposite her completely in her words in the altogether.

"There you are!" exclaimed Tanya, "no need to, how you say, blush so much.  You have gone all red, and when I say all I mean all.  Even the willy, that is right is it not, willy...  That is what you call it?"

She pointed at my cock

"Um.. Er...  Yes, that is right."

She grinned broadly.

"Even your willy is blushing."

Oh my gosh!  Her reference to the fact that she had looked at my penis made me blush even more.

"Ah, but I must take my towel off as well."

I gulped.  Oh my gosh!  I was going to see Tanya naked.  We were going to be naked in the sauna together.

She slipped the towel off and I stared at her, my eyes wide open.

She was wearing a black one pieces swimsuit.  It was tight fitting, high cut, and showed off her figure to perfection.  It was, nevertheless, a swimsuit.

"Oh..." I gasped.

"Yes?" she said, her eyes open wide.

"Sorry... I er...  I thought..."

"Oh!  I see...  You think I will be in altogether as well.  But I have swimsuit.  I do not need to be in altogether."

"No...  Of course not...  It's just that...  I thought you said..."

"I say I too did not expect to be stuck here overnight.  I did not say I did not have swimsuit."

"Yes, yes...  Of course..."

"I say it is all right for you to be in altogether.  But would not be proper for me, would it?  I mean I am how you say, boss, yes.  It would not be right for me to be in altogether."

"Yes...  I mean no...  Of course not..."

"That is right..." and she grinned again.  It was obvious she'd lured me in there to get me naked.  As I said.  Tanya had a reputation.

"Now tell me," she said, "how is it you have so big willy?"

"It's not...  I mean not really..."

"Oh but it is..  I try many willies.  All different sizes.  How you say?  One size fits all?"

One sized what?  Oh my gosh!  She couldn't mean what I thought she meant could she?

"But..."

"And yours is very big willy.  How is it so big?"

This was just like foreign girls, no reticence, an English person wouldn't even discuss the size of someone's nose, and here was Tanya discussing the size of my cock as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

"It...  It...  Er..." I stammered blushing even more furiously than before.

"Oh!  You have gone bright red!  Like beetroot.  You are too hot perhaps.  Perhaps we go sit in Jacuzzi."

"Yes...  Yes...  Absolutely..."

I could sit in the Jacuzzi with all the bubbles and Tanya would stop talking about my cock when she couldn't see it.

"Good...  This way..."

I hastily followed Tanya out of the sauna.  She walked towards the door of the sauna area and it suddenly dawned on me that the Jacuzzi was outside the sauna area, in the part of the spa where you were not supposed to be naked.

"Tanya," I cried out, "I can't go through there, I've got no clothes on!"

"Not matter," she said, "you wear towel."

"But I left it in the sauna."

"You wear mine."

She handed me her towel and strode through the door.  I scampered after her wrapping her towel hastily round her waist.  The Jacuzzi was at the far end of the swimming pool, past the reception area and Tanya nodded to the gorgeous Elena, who grinned back at her, as we passed.  We reached the Jacuzzi.

"Quick.  No one looking," said Tanya, "give me towel and get in."

I looked round.  We were out of sight of the reception desk and there was no one in the pool.  I'd soon be hidden in the Jacuzzi which Tanya had switched on and was already bubbling away nicely.  I was soon going to be covered.  Thank goodness!

I handed Tanya the towel and jumped in.  Tanya lowered herself in gracefully and we sat side by side, my nakedness thankfully hidden by the bubbling Jacuzzi

************************


Thank goodness!  I was in the Jacuzzi.  The bubbles were bubbling away.  I was covered up and Tanya had clambered in beside me.

"Tell me," she said, "how is it your willy so big."

Oh no!  She wouldn't let the matter drop.  I'd better say something.

"It just kept on growing..."

It was the best I could do.

"But the girls like it...  Yes?"

It was a question rather than a statement.  I may have been about a bit, but my willy hadn't.  I was embarrassed to admit to my lack of experience.

I fell back on quoting Robert Burns.

"Well you know the old saying 'Nine inch will please a lady'!"

"Nine inches!  That is how big!  Nearly thirty centimetres!"

"No... No... that is just an old saying." But she didn't seem to hear me.

She called out something in foreign to Elena and her eyes opened wide.  I assumed it was the Hungarian for "thirty centimetres".

I thought perhaps it was time to make my getaway.  But it was too late.  As soon as I thought of standing up I heard voices behind me and turning round I saw a group of girls approaching.  Oh no!  I immediately recognised some girls from the local Budapest office.  I couldn't stand up now.  Not with the other girls there.  Oh heck!  I was well and truly trapped.

Trapped naked in a Jacuzzi with five local beauties.  What more could you want!  The girls squeezed in so that we were all squashed in together.

"Pit you arms round me and Erszebet," said Tanya, she was on my left and Erszebet squeezing against me on the right.

"Sorry?"

"Put your arms round our shoulders.  There is not room when squeeze together."

"Oh yes...  Right..." to tell the truth I was so embarrassed by my predicament that I would do anything I was told.

Tanya started gabbling to the girls.  Thank goodness for their arrival in one way.  It was a distraction from the size of my cock.

Then suddenly I heard the dreaded words, "...harminc centimeter..."

I knew what the Hungarian for thirty was.  I was in room 130 and I'd proudly learned it.  She was telling the girls the size of my cock.  And it was no where near thirty centimetres,  thirty centimetres was nearly ten inches and my clock was no more than eight at the most.  Thank goodness none of these girls would ever see it at, how shall I put this, full size.

How embarrassing.  But there was nothing I could do except wait for the girls to go, after all they couldn't stay in the Jacuzzi forever, and then make my escape.

Then something happened.  I felt a hand on my leg.  I looked first at Tanya, and then at Erszebet. Both were chatting away.  It hat to be one or the other, but I didn't know which one, and with my arms pinned firmly behind the girls backs I could do nothing to push it away.

Should I say something.  What could I say.  I didn't know who to accuse.  As soon as I said anything the hand would vanish and I would look a complete idiot.  There was nothing for it but to allow the wandering hand to wander.  And wander it did.  Further and further up my leg.  Right to the top.  Until..

Oh my gosh!  It was fondling my balls.  Naked and with my arms trapped my private parts were unprotected, vulnerable to any assault made on them.  Not that I would call it an assault.  It was more of a gentle squeeze and a little stroke.  I suddenly realised what the hand was trying to do.  It was trying to get my cock up.  Perhaps that was what the girls were saying.  "One of you get his cock up...  We want to see this..."

But which one was it.  I just couldn't tell.  But whoever she was, she was good at it.  My cock was gently responding.  It would soon be completely rigid.

Tanya suddenly looked over her shoulder and called out to Elena on reception.  Elena, a sexy amazon in her white tunic came striding across.

Tanya said something to her.  She grinned and said something in reply nodding in an approving fashion.

I was finding it difficult to concentrate, as by this time I was being....  Oh my gosh...  Fingers had grasped my penis and I was being gently but firmly wanked by the invisible hand.  I tried to work out if Tanya could be wanking me while speaking to Elena.  I couldn't decide.

Tanya turned to me.

"You'll never guess what," she said "Elena offer you free special massage.  Complimentary on hotel.  That is what you say no?  On hotel?"

"Oh... Er...  How nice..." it was hard to concentrate with my cock in the grip of the mysterious hand.

"Good, good..." and Tanya and Erszebet suddenly leapt up, pulling me up with them, displaying me stark naked and fully erect to the assembled girls and Elena.

*******************************************
ENGLISH ESSAY - T. SIMONESCU

My name is Tanya Simonescu and this is short story I write for my English teacher Mrs Lombrady.  It is a true story but it is a little bit naughty, but Mrs Lombrady say that does not matter as it is important to learn naughty words in foreign language.

Last week I go on important visit to Budapest plant with one of my English subordinates (that is right ?  Subordinate?).  He is a very nice man but very much the shy English person.  I have to go with him because I come from part of Romania where we speak Hungarian.  While on visit I speak to girls in local office to arrange good time for him.  We suggest nice clubs with naughty girls, but he goes red and says he would rather not.  I see he is very shy and he needs good seeing to as is said in English.  I think perhaps he like a nice f**k.  People say that is very naughty word in English so I do not write it all.  As I say, I think he like nice f**k and I tell him hotel room number, but he does not come.  I am annoyed because I am looking forward to nice f**k also.

I think no chance of getting f**k then we are held up in hotel extra night, and I suggest club with naughty girls, but he just want to have dinner.  Then I think of good plan.  I speak to hotel spa girl called Elena.  I speak to Erszebet and girls in office.  All agree.  Only problem is all want nice f**k.

So after dinner I say to him "why we not go swim in pool?"

He say "I do not have costume."

I know this.  He is not expecting to be in hotel with swimming pool.

I say "No problem we borrow costume at hotel pool."

Of course when we go to pool there is no costume for him and I say no problem we go in nude sauna.  I know he will agree because I am boss and he is sort of man who do what boss says.  Also he like to look up my skirt and he think I will be in nude also.  But this is not plan.  I plan nice reward, but I plan little punishment first because I do not get nice f**k.

So we go in sauna and I am in nice swim costume and he is in what English call birthday suit.  That is funny expression no!  Birthday suit!  And my eyes open wide because I see he has very big cock!  (Is this right word?  Can I say cock).  I think perhaps he is shy and not want nice f**k because he only have little cock.  But no!  He has really big cock!  He say it nine inches!  That is nearly thirty centimeters.  I am really cross because I miss f**k with big cock.  I say I have one size fits all c**t (I am told that is very naughty word in English so I do not write) so he is sorry he miss nice f**k.

So here is next part of plan.  It is very funny you will see.  It will make you laugh!

I say "It is hot in here.  Perhaps we go in Jacuzzi."

He agrees because he will be covered in Jacuzzi and I will not be able to see cock.  But I have plan with other girls that they will come in Jacuzzi and then he will have to get out of Jacuzzi and be seen in birthday suit by all girls.  This is little punishment I organise before he get reward which I explain later.

So we all get in Jacuzzi together and I tell girls about big cock and all want to see big cock.  I mean all want to see big cock when it is big.  So Erszebet say she will make cock big.  She is sitting next to him and I think is girl who is good at making cock big.  But I say, yes try to make cock big but do not touch how you say in English, private parts - yes.  Because he might run away if Erszi play with private parts.  I can see Erszi type of girl who like to play with private parts, but she say she know how to make cock big, so I say yes - make cock big...

So when Erszebet say cock is big I call to Elena and she come over as we agree and I say "Oh!  How nice!  Elena offer free massage!"

This is plan to give reward.  But now is punishment.  He mumble something in reply and Erszebet and me pull him up and show him in birthday suit with big cock to all the girls.

Now all the girls want nice f**k!  But what happens I explain next week.

REPORT ON WEEK'S ESSAY

Thank you Tanya for your entertaining story this week.  Your English is certainly improving and you have learned some of the more colourful words in the English language.

However I do have some comments to make.  You are still failing to put in the appropriate article - for example 'show him in birthday suit with big cock to all the girls' should be 'show him in HIS birthday suit with A big cock to all the girls.

You should also put more detail into your stories.  We know your hero?  victim? has a big cock, but you don't describe him in any detail.  You could add so much more to the story by describing him in his birthday suit in some detail.  You could also add a lot by describing in more detail his embarrassment at being seen in his birthday suit.  Perhaps you can do this for me.  I would enjoy reading that.

6/10

A. Lombrady

******************

Oh no!  With my arms around the girls on either side of me, when they stood up they pulled me up with them and exposed my erect penis to all the girls in the jacuzzi.  It was clear why the invisible hand, whoever it belonged to, had been wanking me so assiduously.  The girls had obviously wanted to see the famous 30 centimetres. I could feel my face burning.  It is one thing being exposed naked to a bunch of girls, that is embarrassing enough; but to be exposed naked with your penis erect, that is embarrassment of the wish the ground would open up and swallow you magnitude.

My first thought was to run, but I still had my arm round Tanya, and she had grabbed it so that I could not get away.  I couldn't start fighting Tanya, so I just had to stand there on naked display while she chatted to the girls.  I'll give them this though, not one batted an eyelid.  They must have been warned that this was going to happen because nobody gasped, or remarked on the fact that there was an eight inch erect penis on view.  And with being displayed like that to the girls there was no way it was going to go down.

Tanya stood and chatted in foreign for a full five minutes before remarking in English.

"Well you don't see that very often...." Mouths dropped open round the Jacuzzi, "...somebody being offered  free massage I mean."

"And you don't see anything like that very often either," said Erszebet, pointing at my erect penis.  One of the girls started to giggle, then more than one, the giggle became titters and then laughs and soon they were all laughing uproariously.  It was clear they had been fighting hard to restrain themselves for the past five minutes and now they could do so no longer.  They roared and laughed, at me, at my nudity, at my erect penis.

My face crumpled and I turned to Tanya.

"Please," I said.

************************

ENGLISH ESSAY - EXTRA BIT - T. SIMONESCU

I explain in essay how he deserve special punishment for not giving me nice f**k.  I know that this is naughty but I like nice f**k so he needs to be punished and at end I give him reward so all is good.  No!

So I explain to Erszi  to get penis big but not to play with penis (this is polite word?  Yes?  I can write this word?). Erszi like playing with penis, but I say no, and she wink to me that penis is big.  So we stand up and Erszi hold one arm and I hold other arm so he can't move and this is punishment showing big penis to all girls.

He nice looking man.  Slim, nice figure, nice legs, nice bottom (this polite word too?).  I like nice bare bottom.  It is sort you want to how you say, spank, yes that is word, the sort you must spank when you see it.

He is very embarrassment.  His face all red and lip is trembling.  But I, how do you say in English, turn screw for punishment.  I make him stand in front of girls and tell them no laugh until I say.  Then when I say all laugh very loud.  It is so funny and he is so embarrassed and his face, how you say, crumples up.  So I think that is enough punishment.  I get nice f**k later perhaps.  No is time for reward.    

^^^^^^

Thank you for supplying the extra detail Tanya.  Yes you can use the word 'penis' when referring to a man's private parts. 'Bottom' is also quite acceptable.  But you are still failing to put in the determiners, so 'Erszi like playing with penis, and she wink to me that penis is big.' should be 'Erszi likes playing with A penis', and 'she winkS to me that HIS penis is big.'

We also speak of a penis being 'erect' when it is aroused.  Perhaps this is an expression you can use in your next essay.  I look forward to reading your next essay in some anticipation.  Perhaps you can help improve your use of adjectives by describing his 'erect' penis and indeed all his private parts in some detail.  That will be a useful exercise.

A. Lombrady (Teacher of English)

PS - perhaps if available you could provide a picture.  So as I can assess how good your description is.

***************

With my penis still vertical Tanya and Elena march me across the spa to the treatment room.  Thank goodness there is no one else there.

Elena points at the treatment couch.

"Head there," she says pointing at one end, "and feet there.  Face down please."

I lie on the couch face down, completely nude.  Thank goodness.  My cock is now hidden.  Elena pours hot oil over my back and starts to rub it in gently.  That is gently at first.  Then more firmly down my arms, rubbing and pummelling, then up my legs, then down my back and then she turned her attention to my bottom.

"He has nice bottom.  Yes?"

Wait a minute!  That wasn't Elena.  That was Tanya's voice.  Up till now I'd been relaxing with my eyes closed and my head in my arms.  Now I looked up and looked round.  All the girls were there.  Watching.  They were watching me get massaged in the nude.  Oh my gosh!  I'd have to say something.  I opened my mouth...  But...


"Ooooooooooh!"

Elena kneading my buttocks had suddenly pressed her fist in hard.  It must have hit a nerve or something because suddenly what felt like an electric shock struck my balls and shot straight to the end of my cock.

"Oooooooooooh!"

She'd done it again.  She turned to the girls and said something and they all started giggling.

"Oooooooooooh!"  The electric shocks were shooting regularly up my cock now.

"Ooooooooooooh!

The girls were in fits of laughter at my predicament.  Elena must have explained to them what she was doing.

"That is good?  Yes?" she said, slapping my buttocks, "keep head down, is time to tone up bottom..."

She muttered something in foreign.  There was a short pause then...

*WHACK*

"Ow ow ow!" my buttocks were suddenly stinging, "what was that for?" I gasped.

"Bottom needs toning," she said ,"head down..."

*WHACK*

"OOOOOOW," my buttocks were stinging again, "thank you but perhaps..."

"You're welcome," she said, "head down..."

*WHACK*

"OOOOOOOOOOOOW," my bottom was well and truly toned up.

". That is good?  Yes.  You must turn over now."

Turn over!  Oh no!  All the girls were watching and I'd have to display my cock again.  But I had no choice.  I turned over, wriggling a bit as my sore bottom touched the bed.

"Good," said Elena, "I see that makes you very happy."  She could mean only one thing.  My cock looked as if it had grown another inch with her special treatment.

She worked hard on my chest and abdomen, getting lower and lower until.  Oh my gosh!  She grabbed hold of my balls.  My face must have been a picture.  The girls burst out laughing.

"Sorry, sorry," said Tanya, "we make fun of you.  Is only little naughty tease.  But we think you need nice reward."

"Reward?"

"Yes nice naughty reward.  You want reward?"

"Well yes but..."

I had no idea what she meant.  Not until Erszebet started.  I could tell now who had been wanking me in the Jacuzzi.  She had a special technique.  And now she was doing it again.  This was my so-called reward.  A public wank from a raven haired beauty.  In front of all the girls.  And they were all chanting and cheering and I was frozen immobile with embarrassment until....

Oh no!  I made a spectacle of myself...

********************

ENGLISH ESSAY - T. SIMONESCU

I continue naughty story.  I hope it is not too naughty!

I explain already how I do not get nice f*ck so as little punishment I arrange to show naked body to girls.  My friend Erszi make sure that his penis is erect (that is right?  - 'his penis is erect'?).  His penis is very big and all girls laugh and laugh and he goes very red.  So I think he really really embarrassed - that is good punishment now he can have reward.  So Elena say she give him massage and Erszi say she give him reward.

So Elena take him to massage room and we follow.  He is lying on bed on tummy (that is right? - tummy) with no clothes on and he look very very sexy with no clothes on.  He has head in hands and eyes closed so we can admire sexy body with no clothes on.  He has slim figure with nice legs.  He has tan all over (how he get tan all over?  Perhaps he go to special spray naked body with tan salon?).  And he has very sexy bottom.  It is nice and big and round with nice firm cheeks and I say to Elena - yes - it must get spank.  It is good I can talk to Elena in Hungarian and discuss how we spank bottom.

And Elena pour oil on him and we all enjoy watching her rub oil into naked body, but he hear me talk to Elena and he look up and see we all watching and he go very red.  But he cannot do something because Elena digs fist into buttocks and he go "oh oh oh!" and his face go even redder.  And Elena explain that she stimulates penis nerve and this gives him sexual thrill.  I must learn this!  So I say that is very funny do again stimulate penis nerve, and she do again and again, and I see from face he gets much pleasure.  Yes I must learn this!

Then Elena says to me is time to spank bottom, so she say 'keep head down I tone bottom'.  Tone bottom!  That is good way to describe spanking!  No!  So Elena nod to me and I spank left bottom and she spank right bottom (that is right?  Right bottom and left bottom?).  We spank very hard, make hand sting, make bottom sting!

And he go 'ow ow ow'!  And Elena say is good because is toning bottom!  And he believe her!  So we do again!  And he go 'ow ow ow ow! And bottom go nice pink colour.  And Elena say is good and he believe her!  So we do again!  And he go 'ow ow ow ow ow!'  Is very funny and bottom is bright red.  Yes is naughty but is good fun (that is right?  Good fun?) spanking nice bottom and making it go red!  And he has nice bottom and is nice red colour.

So Elena say to turn over and he is very embarrassed because penis is bigger even than before.  This is because, Elena say, he enjoy having bare bottom spanked by girls!

So now we can study private parts.  Here is description of private parts as requested by A. Lombrady.  Private parts are smooth and are tanned.  So perhaps he go to salon where they shave private parts and spray on tan.  Balls are big and held tight.  Elena give them little squeeze to relax and we see left one a bit lower than right.  They look very nice as are not hairy!  Penis is erect and of impressioning size, it is perhaps 26 centimeters in length.  It points not straight up but leans a bit to left ~ what I call Tower of Pisa penis!  It is how you say?  Bare at end!  I attach picture taken by E. Kiraly as requested by A. Lombrady to show accuracy of description.

And now is time for reward.  Erszi has volunteered to give reward.  Erszi likes to play with penis!  She very good!  Stroke, stroke, up penis, down penis, tickle end of penis!  Bring how you say - to brink yes? - then stop!  She is how you say in English 'cock teaser' (I can say this 'cock teaser' - not too naughty?).  So she tease cock!  Rub rub tickle tickle!  Bring to brink!  Stop!  Bring to brink!  Stop.  Erszi very good!  Know how to tease cock!  Then Erszi say now is time.  Tell girls to down count down 'Ten, nine, eight..."

Rub rub tickle tickle...

"Seven, six, five..."

Stroke stroke...

"Four, three.." Is at brink!

Wank, wank, wank, wank, wank!!!  (I can say this yes?  I look word in dictionary and it say is 'not in polite usage'.  I think this mean is naughty word!)

"Two, one!"

Wank, wank, wank...  And...  Fire!

Right on 'fire' balls contract, start pumping, hard!  And Erszi!  She enjoy joke!  She point 'gun' at me and...  Squirt, squirt, squirt all over Tanya!

How we all laugh!

End of story!  I hope is not too naughty!

^^^^^^^^^^^^^

REPORT ON WEEK'S ESSAY

Thank you Tanya for a most entertaining story.  I have compared your description of his private parts with the picture you sent me and I must say it is very accurate.  I particularly enjoyed your graphic description of the bottom spanking, perhaps you have a picture, or even a video of that, so that I can see how good your description was?  In English you say 'right buttock or right bottom cheek' when you are describing a spanking, but otherwise it was very good.

I did enjoy the humorous ending!  No video of that I suppose?

Your grammar still leaves much to be improved but on content alone.  OMG!  10/10

A. Lombrady, Teacher of English.

PS - sorry you did not get your nice fuck.


^^^^^^^^

From: Tanya@imveryhotmail.co.ro
To: Lombrady@iteachenglish.com

Dear A. Lombrady

Thank you for you enjoy my little story.  Erszi have uploaded videos to http://spankandwank.com.  It is site she like very much.  It is very popular.

Yours faithfully

T. Simonesxu

PS - I get nice fuck from Erszi.  She fuck very well.

********************

How I escaped I don't know.  When I recovered from my 'reward', Erszebet was laughing her head off and Tanya was wiping her eyes.  Oh no!  I'd just hit the boss straight in the face.  It was all Erszebet's doing!  I hadn't aimed anywhere.  I'd never live this down.  I jumped off the table and what with Erszebet laughing, and Tanya wiping and all the rest spellbound by what they had seen I ran as fast as I could.  It was only when I got into the hotel lobby that I realised I still had no clothes on.  That caused a bit of a stir and took some explaining!  I mean I didn't want to get Elena into trouble, so I said I'd been in the sauna and I thought I'd heard the fire alarm so I'd rushed out.  They seemed to believe me.  I think.

I think I will have to learn some Hungarian for next time, or perhaps Romanian.  Fortuitously a teacher has written to me offering private lessons.  I asked her how she had chosen me and she said she'd seen the videos.  I think she must mean my holiday videos on Facebook, though why that should interest a language teacher I'm not sure.  Still,  I'll give it a go.  You never know what might happen.

Just the Job

"You can go in, Miss Prendergast will see you now."

I stood up from the rather hard seat I'd been kept waiting on for twenty minutes as the smartly dressed young lady pronounced these words.  She was, I presumed, Miss Prendergast's current personal assistant.  She was called Monica according to her name badge and she looked the sort who would be an efficient personal assistant: dark suit, back hair, well made up with penetrating blue eyes.

"Yes Miss," I said, "straight through this door?"

"Of course.  She's expecting you.  And don't be too nervous."

"Too nervous!"  The statement had a slight warning tone to it.

"Well she can be a bit hard on men.  Sends them home in their underpants as often as not!"

It was an expression I hadn't heard before, but I could imagine what it meant.  She liked to thoroughly humiliate men.  I knew the sort, and I reckoned I knew how to handle them.

I had had a few jobs before, and you might think applying to be a PA to a female executive a strange choice, but I could type, and was computer literate, good at organising things, and could even do shorthand at a pinch.  It was just the job for me.  Simple, straightforward and well paid.  Jobs like that weren't easy to come by.  I had been looking for one for three months since being made redundant from my post as time and motion expert at Higginbottom's Paper Clips.  Old Higginbottom had outsourced production to Uzbekistan and it appeared that they didn't need time and motion studies in Uzbekistan.  It also appeared that my degree in Economic Geography (third class) wasn't much in demand either.  So when I had received the request to attend for interview from one of the many internet sites in had signed up to I jumped at the chance,


Miss Prendergast was younger than I'd expected.  Early thirties perhaps.   She was also power dressed, but with blonde hair and a handsome face with well chiselled cheekbones.

"Good Morning Mr Er..  Um...  Er...  We'll never mind.  I see you think you can be my PA."

"Yes Miss," I said.

"Well, I normally only employ girls for this job.  I'm not quite sure a man would be capable...  Girls are so much more efficient."

"I can type," I said.

"And that is supposed to be impressive?  You'll be telling me you can read and write next."

"I have all keyboard skills...."

"How many languages do you speak?"

"Oh...  Well..  English...  And er...  I've got GCSE French."

"What grade?"

"D," I muttered.

"What was that?"

"D, I got a D."

She shook her head, "Monica speaks French, German and Spanish fluently.  I myself have competent Japanese and Mandarin, in addition to the usual European languages that is."

"Oh...  I er...  Could learn..."

She shook her head again, "Normally I wouldn't even consider you she said, but apparently we have to show diversity and that means I have to employ a man to do something.  In this case it could be Monica's assistant.  She could handle all the difficult stuff I suppose."

"Monica's assistant?"

"Well you didn't think you'd be my assistant did you?  You can make coffee can't you?"

"Well..."

"Never mind.  Monica can show you.  I suppose you can learn to do things?"

"Of course."

"And what sort things are you willing to do?"

Well that one was easy.  Easier than being asked how many languages I spoke at any rate.

"Anything of course."

"Anything?"

"Yes, provided it's legal course."

"You're not implying that I would ask you to do anything illegal are you?"

"Er...  No...  Of course not Miss."

It was tricky being asked questions by Miss Prendergast.

"You'd do anything legal that I asked you?"

"Er...  Um... Of course..." I wasn't going to be trapped by putting in exceptions again.

"Stop ummimg and erring man.  Can't you be positive.

"Yes of course Miss."

"Good."

She smiled for the first time as if she'd thought of a little joke.

"Even give me all your clothes if I asked you."

"Of course," I answered without hesitation.  She wouldn't catch me hesitating again.

"Go on then."

"Go on what?  Er...  Miss..."

"Take your clothes off and give them to me."

"But...  I... Er..."

"Come on man.  We haven't got all day.  Take your clothes off and give them to me."

"But I can't..."

"What do you mean you can't?  Didn't you just specifically tell me you would if I asked you to?  Well I'm asking you to."

"But..."

"Are you a liar?  I can't employ liars you know."

"No..."

"Well I distinctly remember asking you if you would give me all your clothes, and you replying 'of course'. Were you lying?"

"No but..."

"Well in that case get your clothes off and give them to me, or get out.  It's as simple as that."

I suddenly realised this was a test.  I knew the Miss Prendergast type..  Miss Prendergast was the type to set difficult tasks just to test the candidate out.  Once I had shown my willingness to obey her instruction she would tell me to stop.  How had I been so stupid as not to have realised this?  I mean it wasn't as if I would take all my clothes off even if she didn't tell me to stop.  I'd maybe go as far as taking my shirt off.  No further though.  Still, it wouldn't come to that.  I took off my shoes no socks waiting for her to tell me to stop.

"What are you waiting for?"

"Sorry..."

"Well I need staff who can do things a bit quicker than that."

"Sorry Miss," she obviously needed me to go further.  I took off my shirt and vest and waited for her to tell me to stop.

"Did I tell you to stop or anything?"

"No but..."

"Well I'm waiting."

She was expecting me to take my trousers off.  This was a real test, but I found that despite my original idea, once  I'd gone this far I couldn't back out now.  I took off my trousers and stood in front of her in my underpants.

"Good.  Excellent.  You seem to be the sort of person who I can trust to work for me.  Now put your clothes in that filing cabinet drawer."

I'd been right.  It had been a test.  Embarrassing as it had been to strip down to my underpants it looked like I would really get the job.  I gathered up my clothes and put them in the filing cabinet drawer and closed it.

"Excellent.  Now take off your underpants and give them to me."

"But...  What...  I didn't think..."

"Didn't think what?  That I'd really ask you to give me all of your clothes off.  What sort of a person do you think I am then?  One who says one thing and means another?"

"No...  But..."

"No indeed!  Take you underpants off and give them to me."

"Sorry I can't," I said.  This was going to far.  It would be just too embarrassing.  "I can't.  I'm too embarrassed."  I could feel my face flushing red.

"Look at you man.  You're as red as a beetroot.  Well if you can't you can't.  I don't know that I can employ anyone who gets embarrassed that easily. It looks like you've failed the test.  You can go."

"Yes Miss," I pulled at the drawer of the filing cabinet to get my clothes back and it wouldn't budge.  "It won't open Miss," I said.

"No, it's locked."

"But I need my clothes back Miss."

"Well you can't have them."

"But you have to give them to me.  They're mine."

"No they're not."

"But..."

"No buts.  I asked you to give them to me and you agreed and have given them to me.  So they're mine.  Goodbye."

"Bit you can't send me home in my underpants...!"  Send me home in my underpants.  That was what Monica had said.  It hasn't just been an expression - she literally sent men home in their underpants.  And now it was my turn.

"Why not?" She said, "you came hear lying about your capabilities, lying about being willing to do anything I asked, and refusing to fulfil a simple request.  I think being sent home in your underpants is a suitable response myself."

I strode there blushing bright red.  I couldn't walk back through Monica's office.  She'd smirk at the sight, at being shown to be right.  I could walk through the main office with all the girls laughing T me, or out into the foyer, into the street, home on the bus.  I couldn't.  There seemed only one way out.

"What if I gave you my underpants," I blurted out.

"Well the. I think you were somebody who could follow a simple instruction.  Somebody who could indeed just about cope with being Monica's assistant.  Somebody who could get through simple interviews.  Somebody whom I could trust to get their clothes back."

It seemed like I had no option.

**********

Burning with shame I pulled my underpants down and handed them over.  Miss Prendergast took them  and with great precision pinned them like a trophy to the wall.

My face must have been beetroot as I stood there trembling in the middle of her office completely nude.

"Well," she said, "a little boy, and I use the word little advisably, who knows how to take orders from a woman.  You might just be the assistant for Monica we've been looking for.  She likes obedient men."

"Yes Miss."

At least I might end up with a job.

She turned and pressed the button on her telephone.

"Monica?"

"Yes Miss Prendergast," Monica's mild Irish accent came from the speakerphone.

"He's ready for his second interview now."

"Thank you Miss Prendergast.  Send him through."

Miss Prendergast turned to me.

"You heard Monica.  You can go through to her office for your second interview."

"But...  But..."

"Stop dithering man.  What are you going on about?"

"I've got no clothes on Miss."

"I had noticed.  And quite cute you look too. A bit disappointing dimensionally shall we say, but quite cute otherwise."

The reference to my dimensions made me blush more furiously than ever.  I mean I mightn't have the biggest cock in the world, but I wouldn't have said I was dimensionally challenged.

"But..."

"But what?  Out with it man."

"You said I could have my clothes back if I passed the interview."

"Interviews I think I said.  In the plural.  If you are going to be Monica's assistant then you have to demonstrate to her that you are capable.  Then you might get the job.  Then you might get your clothes back."

"But if Monica doesn't think I'm capable..."

"Then you'll be sent home without your underpants.  After all you did give them to me."

"But I can't go home with nothing on."

"I think you'll find you can...  If you have to..." Monica's Irish lilt interrupted from the doorway.  She'd come through to fetch me and she could see me in the altogether.

"But I...  I ...  Er..."

Standing there completely in the nude with two forceful women I couldn't think how to resist.  How had I ever let myself get into this situation.

"Come on," said Monica, her tone was altogether gentler than Miss Prendergast, but none the less authoritative for all that.

I walked trembling through to her office.

"Now you stand there and I'll just have a look at you.  See if you're presentable."

She walked round me eying up my naked body as if sizing me up at a slave market.

"Nice arse," she pronounced at last, " and I like a man with a nice arse.  And it's quite a cute little one you've got there," she pointed at my penis with what looked for all the world like an old fashioned schoolteacher's cane that she held in her hand, "get plenty of outings does he, the little man?"  She pointed at my penis with the cane again.

"Outings?"

"Yes outings.  There's lots of girls go for little ones like that I'm guessing?"

"Well...  Er...  No...," better tell the truth.  I wasn't very successful with girls.  Too shy by half.

"Dear dear, never mind I'm sure we can introduce you to the girls in the office.  You'll get plenty of offers I'll be bound.  Girls like a man with a cute behind.  That's if you pass the test that is."

"Test?"

"Yes, test.  To see what you know and whether you can learn.  And whether you are willing to take a risk.  Are you willing to take a risk.  I need a man who can take risks."

"Yes, of course."

"Good.  You have a degree I take it?"

"Yes of course, an honours degree," I didn't let on that it was only third class honours.

"What in may I ask."

"Economic geography."

"Economic geography is it.  So you'll be knowing all there is to know about countries and the like."

"Of course."

"And how extensive is your knowledge."

"Very extensive."

"Good good, so you could answer any question I ask you."

"Yes of course," well my knowledge was pretty good even though I said so myself.

"Good, so we'll do a geography test then. See how much you know and how much you can learn.  And as I said there'll be a little risk in it.  Not much risk as the questions will be easy for a man with an extensive knowledge of geography."

"Risk?"  What risk?"

"Well let's see.  I know what," she pulled out a chair, rather like a dining room chair, "now you kneel on this and stick out that cute little behind of yours.  Now I'm going to ask a geography question.  A wrong answer will merit the application of this," and she swished her schoolteacher's cane, "to a certain cute little behind.  A right answer and you've past the interview."

I didn't know what to do.  How difficult would the question be.  If it was an easy one I'd passed the interview.  I wouldn't be sent home with nothing on. But if it was difficult one.  Well, one stroke of the cane, even on my bare bottom, perhaps it was worth the risk.

"How difficult is the question," I burbled.

"And here was me thinking you were a man to take a risk and now it seems like you aren't.  But there's the door if you want to walk out.

"But how difficult."

"Ooh, not too hard.  I tell you what.  You kneel on the chair.  That's right.  Now stick that cute little behind out.  That's right.  Now I'll tell you what.  I'll ask the question.  If you don't think you can answer it you can still walk out the door, past the girls, out into the street and home.  In the nude.  You never know the girls might like what they see, if they can stop laughing that is.  If you think you can answer it then take the risk.  What do you say?"

"All right," I stammered, after all I wasn't risking my bottom just hearing the question.

"How many countries does Spain have a land border with?"

I breathed a sigh of relief.  After all that it was so easy.

"Two," I pronounced without even having to think about it, "France and Portugal!"

"Oooooooooooow!" the cane came down with such force and so suddenly that she must have been standing ready to apply it the moment the words were out my mouth.

"Dear me, an easy question like that and he couldn't even get it right," the stern tones of Miss Prendergast came from the door.  She'd been watching my humiliation.

"I did get it right I did, I did..." I blubbed.

"No you didn't.  You forgot about Andorra."

Andorra!  Bloody Andorra!  How had I forgotten about Andorra.

"Well, are you wanting to correct your answer.  Or would you rather go home with a stripe across that cute little behind.  But with every wrong answer the risk increases.  Two more stripes on the cute little behind if you get it wrong this time."

As if I'd get it wrong now!

"Three," I said, "three."

"Oooooooooooooooooow!'

The cane came down again, with equal force and...

"Ooooooooooooooooooow!"

Down it came again.

"But I included Andorra, I said three," my bottom burning and my eyes streaming.

"But you missed out Gibraltar."

How could I have missed out Gibraltar.  Now I'd been caned three times and I still hadn't passed the interview.

"Would you like another try?  I don't think he would Miss Prendergast.  He's blubbing.  I think he's had enough.  I think we'll be sending him home in his birthday suit with three stripes on his behind.  Still the girls will get a good laugh."

"I'm not blubbing.  It's just my eyes are watering," I stammered.

"Well, that's it is it.  Are you going to have another go.  Mind, your eyes will be watering like Niagara Falls more if you get it wrong again.  It's three stripes this time."

I thought and thought.  I went round the border of Spain systematically.  Portugal, France, Andorra, Gibraltar.  No there were definitely no other countries.

"Four," I said, "definitely

"Ooooooooooooooooooooow!"

I don't know if you've ever had six of the best on the bare bottom, administered by an Irish girl with a strong right arm.

"Oooooooooooooooooooooow!"

Well let me tell you this.  It stings.  It really does.

"I think he's enjoying it," said Miss Prendergast, "look at his little man."

Oh no!  My cock was bolt upright.  For some reason a bare bottom caning had made my cock go rigid.  How much more embarrassing could it get!

"Better let him have the other one Monica, don't want to disappoint him."

"Ooooooooooooooooooooooow!"

And my eyes were streaming and my cock was rigid and my bottom was on fire.

"But you said, you said," I blubbed.

"I said you'd forgotten Gibraltar, I didn't say that was all you'd forgotten.  You're the one that's supposed to know about geography.  You should know that there are two Spanish enclaves in Morocco, so that's five borders in all.

"Five," I sobbed, "five?"

I was past caring.

"Right!" pronounced Monica, "you know what Miss Prendergast.  He might not know much geography, but he's shown he can learn, he's shown he can take disciplining and he's shown he can be obedient.  What's more he's got a cute little arse on him, even if it is rather red at the moment, and you know the little man's not so small when it's pointing up and we know how to get it up now.  I say he's passed the test."

"I think you're right Monica," as always, "I think you can introduce him to the girls now.  They'll be dying to see him."

"The girls?" I gasped.

"Yes of course," said Monica, "you'll be working with the girls.  You'll have to show them what you're made of.  Convince them you can fit in here."

"Does that mean I can have my clothes back now."

"Certainly not.  As I said.  We have to show them what you're made of!"

"Come on and meet the girls," Monica took me by the hand and led me towards the door into the outer office where the three girls who worked in the department had their desks.

"But I can't," I said wiping my eyes, "I've got nothing on..."

"Oh the girls won't mind that and I think they have a little game to play, to see if you'll fit in."

"But...  But..."

"But what?"

"But it's...  My...  Oh dear..."

"You mean your penis is up.  I don't know why you men have to be so shy about these things.  We girls don't mind.  In fact, knowing the game the girls want to play it might be a positive benefit.  For you that is."

She led me through the door.

"Here he is girls!  He's passed the tests so far, even if he needed a bit of encouragement."

She pointed out the stripes on my bottom and a big cheer went up.

"So he's shown he's a good sport and can take his punishment from a girl like a good man should.  Now you need to see if he'll fit in.  I'll leave him in your capable hands"

Monica returned to her room and I was left like a nude statue trying to cover my penis with my hands.

"Hi," said a bright looking girl with dark hair, "I'm Veronica.  Did she get you with her new cane then.  Brought that over from Ireland she did.  Said she'd have you stripped and whacked before she brought you through.  That's Monica for you.  That's why she's in charge."

"Yes...  Well...  I...  Er..."

"Sting a bit does it?"

"Yes."

"Tell you what, you get over my knee and I'll rub some cold cream in while I tell you what we're going to do."

She wouldn't take no for an answer and I was soon over her knee and she was massaging my bottom with cream.  And not only my bottom...

"Er...  You're er...  Rubbing it in my er..."

"Well a bit of cream up there'll not do any harm, or round here..."

Oh heck...  Where else was she going to go?  There was no chance of my cock going down with her massaging there!

"Now," she said when she'd finished (and I must say my bottom felt a lot better for it) "I'll tell you  what we're going to do.  We're going to play f*ck, marry or dump - or at least our own version of it.  You're going to stand up on the table at the end of the room and answer the girls' questions.  After twenty minutes we take a vote.  If the majority is marry, then you have a job, if it is dump then your sent home in the altogether with six stripes on your bum.  Okay?"

"But what if a girl votes well.. The other..."

"You mean f*ck.  Don't be so shy!  We know what you mean.  Well, not very likely is it?  But I suppose in that case you can stay, but only if you f*ck the girl first.  Can't say fairer than that can I?"

"I suppose not," I mean no girl was going to say that was she?

"Up on the table with you then.  First question.  Sharon?"

A well endowed blonde with a short skirt and big boobs stood up.

"How many girls have you had sex with?"

"Well that er...  Depends what you mean by sex."

"No it doesn't.  How many girls have you actually shagged?"

"Well, if you mean actually, your actual..."

"Yes your actual..."

"Well none,"

"Nine did you say.  Not bad for a little un'."

"No, not nine, er...  None."

"You mean you've never had a girl.  Oh...  How disappointing."

"Yes, right.  Not a big impression there," said Veronica, "what's your question Beryl?"

Beryl was short and rather saucy looking.

"How many girls have seen you naked?"

"Well er...  Including today, well that's five of you.  Then there was the chamber maid at the hotel last night, and then she brought her friend back with her.  Then the hotel manager after they complained.  Then the policewomen.  And the time I got locked out my hotel room with nothing on and that party of oriental schoolgirls joined me in the lift.  And there were the girls who stripped me at the swimming pool last week when I got in the wrong changing room.  Then of course the girls at the graduation party, and the fourth form girls at school. Then there was...  Oh dear.  About a hundred and forty three I think."

"Well that was a bit more impressive.  Tracey?"

"Tracey was a chirpy lass with an East Enders accent."

"Wot's yer favourite sex fantasy then Babes?"

"Oh dear.  Being seduced by a sexy girl I suppose."

"And then there's my question," Veronica came last

"Would you f*ck one of us to get the job?"

"Yes, of course..." I mean, what else could I say.

"So time for the vote.  Sharon?"

"Dump."

No surprise there.

"Beryl?"

"Marry."

I was in with a chance then.

"Tracey?"

"Dump."

"All down to me then," said Veronica, "and I say marry.  So it's a tie."

"What happens now," I had visions of walking home in the nude if it was a tie.

"Oh, I think we let Marlene have the casting vote."

"Who's Marlene?"

"This is Marlene," said Sharon suddenly opening a cupboard door to reveal...  Oh my gosh!  A life sized sex doll.   There was no doubt what Marlene was going to say.

"F*ck!" pronounced Veronica posing as Marlene.

I'd been set up.  I was going to have to f*ck the sex doll to get the job, or walk home in the altogether.

"Well you did say you'd f*ck one of us to get the job. Looks like it's going to be Marlene.  A sort of first for our little virgin."

The naked Marlene was bent over the desk, her strikingly realistic vaginal lips pouting.  My cock was now as hard as a rock again.  I was going to have to...  I didn't have a choice.  And I wanted to...  Now it had come to it I wanted to f*ck Marlene just to show the girls I could do it.  To show them what I was made of.

My cock went up and I started to...

When...


"And that's a wrap!"

I turned round to see Miss Prendergast and Monica striding into the room with big smiles on their faces.  They were applauding and laughing.  All the girls were applauding and laughing.  And I just stood there stark naked with my cock up Marlene's whatsit, where it seemed to be permanently stuck.

"Smile," said Monica, "for the cameras.  You're on 'Stripped and Humiliated' the on-line and off limits TV show that shows men for what they are."

I looked round horrified as the mirrors around the room slid back to reveal the hidden cameras.  I'd been well and truly had, and to cap it all I'd been caught stark naked f*cking a sex doll.

Monica turned to the cameras.

"As I said, I was sure we'd find that a man would f*ck anything to get a job, and here you see him f*cking poor Marlene."

I was still trying to extract my cock, but it seemed to be gripped tightly.  I struggled and struggled, getting more and more panicked.  Monica just grinned at my ridiculous efforts.

"Oh dear, he seems to be stuck," continued Monica to camera, she turned to me, "No good trying to trying to extricate yourself.  Marlene's no tramp.  She's a top of the range model.  She wants you to give her a good time.  She grips your penis till she orgasms.  So you know what you have to do.  Get f*cking and get Marlene to come.  Come on.  The viewers are waiting."

So I did.  In total panic I starts thrusting into Marlene rhythmically as the girls clapped in time to each push and chanted in unison.

"In out, in out, in out..."

"Come on," encouraged Monica slapping me on the rump, "you can go harder than that.  In...  Out.... In... Out."

********************

"In... Out... In... Out..."

Monica's voice came out clearly audible from my computer speakers.  Of course the show hasn't been streamed live.  They just wanted to give that impression.  It had needed editing, it had needed comments and a commentary adding, and of course the obligatory rolling Twitter feed.

What it hadn't needed apparently was my permission to be broadcast.  Monica had explained that as I had done everything of my own free will and the subscription sex channel it went out on was based somewhere with an unpronounceable name, they owned the copyright and could do what they liked with it.  And what they liked was to show me f*cking a sex doll.  On the other hand Monica had kindly given me a free subscription to the channel so I could watch.  The whole show was her idea apparently.  Viewers paid ten bitcoins (whatever they were) to watch, so she was only getting toy money - which was probably why she was letting me watch it for free.

"In... Out... In... Out..."

I watched myself, my face red and sweating with effort and embarrassment, as stark naked, my hips bucking, I rammed my cock in and out trying to give Marlene an orgasm.   The view cut to a shot from the rear and I could see the red stripes across my bottom.  I squirmed a bit on the hard seat in my study.  It was still sore a week later.  The viewers would be watching my balls, they had a clear view of them bouncing up and down as I rhythmically rammed home.

The screen cut to Monica's grinning face as she whispered in to the camera.

"He's fallen for it again viewers.  We told him he had to f*ck Marlene to orgasm before he could get his cock out.  And he fell for it again!  As if!..."

An inset of Monica squirting superglue up Marlene's, well, up Marlene,  appeared.

'...well we wanted him to put on a good show and we thought he'd need a bit of encouragement!'

The screen cut back to my heaving buttocks again.  My balls were bouncing rhythmically in time to the chanting.  Monica was slapping my buttocks in encouragement.

The screen cut back to Monica again.

"Well that's enough of that.  I think we can switch Marlene on now.  She pressed a large red button on a remote control.  My face had now appeared in the top right hand corner and you could see the look of surprise at that moment.

I remembered the moment so well.  Marlene started vibrating my cock in waves and the penny dropped.  It wasn't Marlene they were wanting to orgasm.  It was me.  Stark naked in front of...  How many... I glanced at the viewing figures at the bottom of the screen...  Two thousand three hundred and forty three men and twenty-six thousand seven hundred and eight women.  Gosh!  That was a lot of bitcoins!  If only it had been real money Monica would have been raking it in!

How could I forget it!

"He's coming. He's coming," yelled Monica exitedly.

"Yes!  Yes! Yeeeeeees!" I yelled, and the screen showed my face, my balls and of course that infallible sign of a really strong orgasm, my rear hole, contracting simultaneously.

I'd been made to  orgasm stark naked with close on thirty thousand people watching.

Still, I had got a f*ck out of it and it I hadn't made too much a a fool of myself had I?  Not like some of the other blokes who had turned up for interview.  I mean one had been wearing plum coloured trousers and a pink shirt, and another had wittered on about stretching the envelope and blue sky thinking.  What twerps.  Couldn't have been that keen on the job as they hadn't even taken their shoes and socks off.  So I hadn't looked as much of a fool as them, and it wouldn't have been too bad if it hadn't been for...

I looked back at the screen and the credits started to roll over the picture as I stood limp cocked beside Monica when she said those fateful words...

"And viewers, you won't be surprised to learn, as appropriate punishment for being such a gullible fool, I'm sending him home stark naked with six stripes across his bum."

And she had.

As Nature Intended

There it was. At last! And what a journey to get there. Why on earth had that stupid woman booked me in this place. 'That stupid woman' being Mrs Treadworthy the redoubtable travel administrator for the ridiculous company I worked for. Mrs Treadworthy had the responsibility for finding suitable accommodation for the middle management when they were out on their travels.

For 'suitable' read 'cheap'. She delighted in finding the cheapest place to stay. She didn't of course take into consideration simple things like how near they were to the railway station. It had taken two bus rides and a mile walk to get to this place. In the steadily increasing drizzle.

'Why didn't you take a taxi' I hear you say. You obviously work for a different sort of company to me, and I wasn't going to fork out twenty quid for a taxi out of my own pocket. It was a matter of principle.

Anyway I was there now. 'As Nature Intended' - what a name for a guest house. Probably run by some sandal wearing hippy types. Trust stupid Treadworthy to have found this place. Presumably it was the cheapest.

I put my finger out to ring the bell when suddenly the door opened. Things were looking up! The girl opening the door was... Well cheekily sexy is I suppose the best way to describe her. Small, dark, slim with a sort of mischievous impish grin.

"Hi," she said, smiling broadly, "Welcome to 'As Nature Intended'."

"Hi," I answered rather nervously. I wish I didn't, but I always get nervous confronted by cheeky girls.

"Er.. I'm Mr ......, er...  booking for one night. From Garden Gnomes Ltd."

"Garden Gnomes!" she said trying to suppress a laugh. That's the usual response, but as long as someone wants to buy them, someone's got to make them!

With a supreme effort she suppressed her mirth, "Come on in," she said, "I'm Anita. This is my mother's guest house. She's away for the night and left me in charge.  I'll show you to your room."

She turned round, and I had a view of a nicely shaped bum under her short tight skirt as she preceded me up the stairs.

"And what brings you to 'As Nature Intended'?" she asked as we reached the door to my room.

"I always try to find a place like this," I answered somewhat disingenuously, well she had a nice bum and I didn't like to admit that I'd been cursing the awful Treadworthy for sending me there.

"You like it then?"

"It's a very nice bottom...  Er... No... I mean...  I didn't mean your bottom I mean...  Oh dear..."

Oh no!  I'd meant to say bedroom, but my mind was still fixated on her bottom.

"What...  You mean I haven't got a nice bottom?"

"No..  I mean yes..  I mean it's a very nice bottom but..."

"But what?"

"I mean I always come to er...  Places like this..."

"You mean where the girls have nice bottoms?"

"No, I mean..."

"Oh I see," she answered, "a committed naturist eh?"

"Absolutely," I replied. If she wanted me to be keen on nature, who was I to object!

"See you at dinner," she said, "seven thirty sharp and strict dress code, or not, as it were," she added as she closed the door behind her.

Strict dress code or not? What on earth was that? I idly picked up a photocopied clipping from a local newspaper which had been left on the bedside table and my mouth fell open.

'Where guests go nude', it read, 'As Nature Intended is Britain's first naturist guest house. From seven in the evening to ten in the morning guests are in the buff....'

I looked at the Guest House brochure. There it was complete with discreet photos - Naked as Nature Intended. The country's first and best naturist guest house. I gulped.

Oh My God! What had the wretched Treadworthy done, and more to the point, what on earth was I going to do now! I couldn't stay in a nudist guest house, I mean I couldn't! Could I?

But what else could I do? Apart from having to trudge all the way back into town and then look for somewhere else, there was the embarrassment of going to tell Anita there'd been a mistake. I looked at the clock. It was past seven already.

I read the brochure some more.

'Welcome to As Nature Intended.    The country's only Nudist Guest House.  There is only one house rule here.  Between seven in the evening and ten in the morning all guests must be completely nude in all the public area of the guest house.  Dinner is served at seven-thirty, breakfast at eight.  So yes nude for dinner and nude for breakfast.  Any guest found breaking these rules will be asked to leave immediately..."

I looked out the window.  A cold wet rain was pouring down.  I couldn't risk being thrown out now!

My God, I was going to have to go down to dinner in the nude.  Anita would see me in the nude.  It was too embarrassing for words.  What on earth was I going to do!

I sat and thought, lost in indecisiveness, and the longer I thought the harder it became to escape. Slowly the realisation came to me. I was going to have to go through with it. I was going to have to go down to dinner in the nude.

I looked at the clock. Seven twenty. Ten minutes and I'd have to be down there naked. I stood paralysed with doubt as the minutes ticked by, then suddenly. Bang. Bang bang! I nearly jumped out of my skin. It was the dinner gong. I was going to have to go through with it. I tore my clothes off, dashed to the door and out on to the stairs. There I stopped. I could hear voices in the dining room. There were more guests. Somehow I had only thought of Anita.  I swallowed hard and crept down the stairs. My heart was thumping wildly. How had I got into this mess. Why hadn’t I just walked out when I first realised what had happened? I had reached the bottom of the stairs. The dining room was just the other side of the door. They were girls voices and they sounded louder than ever. I turned and ran back to my room.

“Come on," I said to myself, “you’ve got to do it. Get a grip,” if you don’t go she'll come looking for you."

My heart was thumping ten to the dozen I looked at myself in the mirror. I wasn't going to cut an impressive figure. I was blushing beetroot red, I was covered in goose bumps, my willy was dangling pathetically and my balls (pardon my French) were as tight as a Scotsman’s wallet. Sure signs of crippling embarrassment and nerves.

What are you so embarrassed about, I tried to convince myself.  Everybody will be the same.  It will be quite natural.  Get a grip on yourself.

There was only one thing for it. No creeping about. Go out. March down the stairs. Open the door and walk straight in. No need to be embarrassed. Everyone will be the same. Don’t try and hide anything. Just walk straight in. On the count of ten. I counted down... Ten, nine, eight... Three..two..one…

And off I set. Straight along the corridor, down the stairs. Don’t stop to think about the voices. Across the hall. Grab the dining room door handle and march straight in…

*****

April the first.  The day for practical jokes and I love practical jokes.  You know the secret of pulling off a good practical joke is in the planning. Indeed half the fun is in the planning. Making sure that every little detail is right. Making sure that the embarrassment of the victim is maximised because they don't suspect a thing until the trap is sprung.

Oh yes. I love practical jokes. And maximising the embarrassment of the victim is always the aim.

The idea had come to me as soon as I knew my mother was leaving me in charge of our little guest house called ‘As Nature Intended’.

"You're eighteen  now," she'd said, "you can jolly well do some work for a change.  And none of your tricks or you're not too old to get your bottom smacked!"

It was a favourite phrase of my mother's.  You might wonder why mother was leaving an eighteen year old girl in charge of her guest house.  Well she had an invite to spend the evening with her gentleman friend.  If she came back with no knickers on she'd be in a good mood, if he hadn't got them off it would be a smacked bottom for somebody I was sure of that!

The phrase ‘Naked as Nature Intended’ will probably come to your mind, and it certainly came to mine if not to my mother's!  I suddenly thought, wouldn’t it be funny if I could persuade an unsuspecting guest that he had come to a naturist hotel by mistake. After all practical jokes involving nudity are always the best. It had to be a ‘he’ of course I wouldn’t play such a mean trick on a girl!  And the wonderful thing was, all the other guests were girls from the college girls netball club.

But everything had to be right. Everything had to be convincing. It took a little time to mock up the newspaper cutting on the computer and to produce a little hotel brochure by a slight manipulation of the real one.

Then it was just a question of waiting for the victim.  The woman on the telephone making the booking had described him in some detail.  He was the perfect victim!

And there he was, perfect, slim, good looking and rather nervous. Totally gullible. Just the sort to be taken in completely. It was so was simple. Waggle my bum at him to get him flustered.  Give him a little comment about a naturist hotel as a convincer, sit back and wait for the fun!  Yes simple.  Cruel but simple.  But that's what practical jokes are all about.  Maximising the humiliation of the victim.

*******

I looked round the room horror struck. About eight girls were congregated in the dining room waiting for dinner. They were all normally dressed.

I'd walked into a room of normally dressed girls and I was completely in the nude.  What was happening.  Why weren't they all naked.  Had I not read the brochure correctly?

"But...  But.." I stammered.

I stood paralysed with embarrassment and looked wildly round for Anita.

 She was standing behind me with her back to the door, looking as cheeky as ever with a big grin on her face.

"April fool!" she said.

***************

I could hardly wait at dinner. Would he fall for it?  All the girls were down for dinner and he hadn't arrived. I heard footsteps coming down the stairs, and then retreat. It was so disappointing. He was going to back out.

Then suddenly more footsteps, the door sprang open and there he was.

There are some occasions when everything in a practical joke works to absolute perfection. When the embarrassment of the victim is so total it's almost a work of art.

The look on his face! Standing there in front of a roomful of girls.  Completely starkers! I could have died laughing, although of course it was essential to keep a straight face.

Time to let him know he'd been tricked.  I slipped behind him to block off his escape.

"April fool!" I said.

He looked round the room and I could see the look of panic as he realised how he'd fallen for the joke. His embarrassment at being in the nude and his embarrassment at having been pranked. It was so funny.

He wasn't even trying to hide his willy! It was one full view. And a really impressive one it was too! I got a good look. Well a girl has to have a little reward for all her efforts!

Suddenly I saw his eyes follow my gaze and he realised he was showing everyone his naughty bits. His hands clamped rapidly over his willy and he stood frozen to the spot in the classic knock-kneed pose of the embarrassed nude, his face crimson with embarrassment.

"Sorry everyone," I said, "just my little joke for April Fool's Day, it's a sort of tradition here at As Nature Intended," and everyone burst into howls of laughter.  Well they would wouldn't they.

That's human nature for you.  Everyone likes to laugh at the victim.  Especially if they have no clothes on!

And here they were enjoying  my little bit of theatre.  Apart from the victim of course.  I"d have to turn the screw on him.

"Come on in.  Come on in," I said, "thanks for being such a good sport."

He was looking like he wanted to escape.  And we couldn't have that.  We really couldn't have that.   How was I going to stop him escaping?  Every good practical joker knows that the nude victim is the vulnerable victim.  They can be made to do anything you want.  And of course you want the fun to go on.

And what about the girls of the college netball club?  They'd been a few times.  I knew them well.  They'd be up for it of course.  That was the beauty of it.  I had the perfect group of girls staying at the guest house to embarrass him in front of and they'd be really up for it.  They were important to the prank, not only to embarrass the victim, but also because a good prank needs witnesses, and everyone enjoys a good prank.  They enjoy seeing the discomfort of the victim, it gives them a sense of superiority.  And netball club girls enjoy being superior very much.


************

"April Fool," she said, "just my little joke.  Thanks for being a good sport."

Oh my Gosh!  I suddenly realised I'd been completely had.  It wasn't a naturist guest house at all.  It had all been a prank and I'd fallen for it hook, line and sinker.  What a fool I'd been.  What on earth was I to do!  Why on earth, you are asking, didn't I turn and run; but I had no clothes on, and I was being told I was a good sport, and now they'd all started applauding!  So I stood there in an agony of indecision until Anita took hold of my hand and said, "Don't just stand there, come and meet the girls," and, my face burning with embarrassment, I did just that.

"This is Nathalie," said Anita, introducing me to a striking and rather muscular dark haired girl, "she's the captain of the netball team."

"Nice to see you," said Nathalie winking, "thanks for being such a good sport.  Lots of men would have just run after giving us such a good laugh.  It must be really embarrassing for you to be such a sucker and end up stuck in the altogether with a group of girls for the evening.  We can get a bit naughty you know."

For the evening!  I'd just thought I'd be introduced to the girls and then be able to escape.  How had I ever been so stupid as to fall for such and obvious prank, and now I'd somehow committed myself to staying naked the whole evening.

"Yes, er...  Yes it is rather," and I went bright red again.  I should have run then, but I was in the nude and I didn't know how to stand up for myself.

"And this is Tracey, and Emily, and Big Pat and Little Pat, Cassandra and Dolores," Nathalie introduced me to the girls in the team, who grinned, smirked or giggled depending on their personal proclivities.

"Come on," said Anita, "get the girls some drinks.  The April Fool has to serve the drinks you know!  A little punishment for being a sucker!"

"Yes, of course," I said.

"Mine's a white wine," said Big Pat, a girl whose size matched her name.  She was a hefty lass, used to getting her own way, and a little bit of a bully I would think, "come on Big Boy, jump to it."

She was looking at my willy, and it was obvious what her reference meant.  It suddenly occurred to me that my cock was on view and all the girls would be sizing it up.

"Come on, jump to it, the others will have a white wine as well."

"Yes Miss," of course I jumped to it, when you've got no clothes on, you do as you're told.

**************

I had thought just to let him run after making him serve the drinks.  I might just have got away with it when mother got back, if I let him go now, but he looked so sweet and so vulnerable, with his willy dangling, and his cute little bottom when he bent over; and he seemed so compliant and so easy to boss around that I thought, let's just see how far we can get him to go, just how much could I humiliate him before he cracked.  It would mean a spanking and a half off my mother when she found out, but it would be worth it.  And after all he'd been cheeky about my bottom, so he deserved it didn't he?

"Thank you," I said as he handed me my drink, "now you can serve dinner, and after we've eaten you can do your party tricks."

"Party tricks Miss?"  I could see his face turn red again as he digested this news and tried to think what on earth party tricks would consist of.

"Yes party tricks.  The April Fool always has to entertain the guests.  You know that.  You know you're the entertainment for the evening."

"Yes Miss, but I thought...."

"Then you thought wrong.  Start serving the food.  It's all set out for you."

Knowing my total lack of any cooking abilities my mother had left out a buffet supper on the big table for the guests to help themselves, except of course our little bare rabbit was going to serve it to us.

It was really fun.  The best prank ever and he was completely under my thumb now and everyone was getting just a little bit tipsy; and you know what tipsy girls are like when they are confronted by a bare bottom.  They really can't help smacking it.  They really can't.

************

"Ow!" I yelped.

One of the girls had dropped a napkin on the floor and I'd been instructed to pick it up.  Of course I did.  Well I had no clothes on, and when you have no clothes on you do as you're told.

"Ow" her hand smacked my bare behind again and all the girls roared and laughed.

Soon they were all at it, "OohI've dropped my spoon.  Do pick it up!"

Smack!

"Ooh!  I've dropped my fork.  Do pick it up..."

Smack!

My bottom was soon glowing as red as my face.

"Right," said Anita, "behave yourselves girls.  His poor bottom is bright pink, now clear the dishes away, we need on the big table for your party tricks."

"On the table!" I gasped.

"That's what I said.  Now jump to it before I put you over my knee and give you a proper spanking!"

"Yes Miss," I had no doubt by now that I'd get a good spanking if I didn't do as I was told.  The girls were all getting rather merry to say the least.

"Gather round girls and up on the table with you."

"Yes Miss."  I got up on the table completely nude and in full view of everyone.  It was a long dining room table down the centre of the room.

"Now I'll put some music on and you can give us a little walk up and down the table like a model on the catwalk."

********^^

I had a job getting him to do it.  Walking up and down the table in the nude, with his hand on his hip and wiggling his little pink bottom as he walked.  It was worth it though.  It was one of the funniest things I've ever seen, his dangling willy swinging from side to side, both sets of cheeks bright red, and the girls thought it hilarious - got some great pictures as well!

Then I had the bright idea to get him to dance.  I put on some ballet music!  He was actually surprisingly good, strutting up and down, striking naked poses for the girls to photograph.

It was naughty of me to make him do it, really naughty, but then...

********^**

They made me walk up and down the table and then dance with nothing on.   And the more I showed off the more aroused I became.  After all, showing off your naked body to girls, it is arousing isn't it?  And of course arousal has very visual results. It wasn't long before the girls were cheering and my cock was no longer dangling,  it was pointing straight at the ceiling.  And the girls had their mobile phones out.  What idiot invented phones that could take pictures!

And there I was standing posing nude on the table for the girls to take pictures, my face burning with embarrassment when...

"What on earth is going on...."

I turned to look, and standing in the doorway was a rather striking looking lady in her mid-thirties with dark hair and a rather shocked expression.

"Mother!" Shrieked Anita, and it was clear that the lady of the house had returned.

"Thank you Anita," said Nathalie, captain of the netball team, "thanks for being such a good sport and allowing us to have a stripper," she said to Anita winking.

"Anita!" Admonished the mother, "what on earth have you been up to inviting a stripper to the evening!  You're eighteen  years old.  You're supposed to be old enough to to be responsible.  This isn't another of your japes is it.  If it is you're going to get the spanking of your life young lady!"

Eighteen!  I'd been tricked by a teenage girl, and even worse, I'd been parading around nude In front of a teenage girl!

"And you," she turned to me, "should be ashamed of yourself.  Did she get you to do this?"

I looked at Anita, and she silently mouthed 'Please' at me.

"No," I said, totally abashed at being caught by the mother with nothing on, "it was the er... The girls netball team.  They persuaded me."

"Yes," said Nathalie, "we won today and we thought it would be fun to have a stripper...  And this er...  Gentleman said he could put on a show...  And well.  We didn't think he meant he would strip stark naked...  But he insisted.  He absolutely insisted.  I mean Anita would never have allowed that if she'd realised...  That he would... He would..  I mean that his..  His...  Er...  Would..."

"Yes...  I er...  I'm staying here for the night... And..."

"You mean you're a guest not a stripper!"

"Yes..."

"And you've been cavorting naked in front of my daughter!"

"Well yes..."

"With your...." she pointed at my rigid penis.

"Well yes..."

"Well we'll have to see about that..."

*******^^^^^

I knew from the moment mother appeared still wearing her knickers that somebody was going to get a smacked bottom and I was determined it wasn't going to be me.  Well, he had no clothes on.  It was easy enough to put the blame on him.

He was such a wimp, whinging and blubbing when mother put him over her knee and started warming his cute little behind.  Smack, smack, smack, alternately on each cheek, now glowing a nice pink colour.  I do do enjoy a good spanking.  I can sit and watch one all day.  I think the netball team enjoyed it as well, as far as I could tell from the way they cheered and clapped.

*SPANK*

"Thank you Miss.  Fifty."

Oh yes, I do love a good spanking.

*SPANK*

"Thank you Miss.  Forty-nine"

And Mother does like to do it properly.

*SPANK*

"Thank you Miss.  Forty-eight"

After all I've given her lots of reasons to get good practice...

*SPANK*

"Thank you Miss.  Forty-seven."

*SPANK*............


*************

"Nice place was it?  That 'As Nature Intended'.  Looked nice in the advert," asked the redoubtable Treadworthy when I saw her the next day, "nice sounding girl on the telephone.  Said she had some special entertainment planned for the evening.  Did you enjoy it?"

"Absolutely," I said, "you must book me in there again next time."

Well, perhaps the girls had played a little trick on me, but I don't think I'd made too much of a fool of myself.  I thought it better to go along with being spanked, rather than make a scene.  I do so hate to make a scene, and it was nothing compared with what the girls in the office had done to me at Halloween.  And I had got my bottom smacked, but it was nothing to what Treadworthy had given me at the Christmas Party.

And Nathalie had said I was a good sport and winked at me.  I was in with a chance there I thought.  If only I could get booked in next time the netball team were in town.  I'd practice my dancing.  Yes, I was definitely in there with a chance.